CampusIntel

“When you are in love you can’t fall asleep because reality is better than your dreams.”
-Dr. Seuss

I know…again with the quotes. But this one, ever since we were all kids, has played a great part in our lives. I’ll try to explain this one for you guys.

Throughout our lives, we will meet hundreds of people, date a few of them, and hopefully end up with one of them. The main question is: How do you know who that one is?
As you’ve seen in my first blog, the first part of BoBH, I’m trying to help those confused, broken or lost hearts as best as I can with what knowledge and experience I have.

Let’s continue on:

2. To be or not to be? Why not both…

You’ll learn something over the years. Either now, later, or when it is too late. Hopefully this will allow you to realize it before it is too late.

Allow me to explain this in simple terms:

You have oranges. Each orange is a different part of you. A personality trait, a look, a fashion, a quality, everything that makes you up.

Your partner has bananas. Same situation, each one a different part of them.

You can live for the majority of your life off these oranges. Of course, oranges are great! But after awhile you realize you’re going to OD on these oranges if you don’t get a change of pace. This is where your partner comes into play

But wait, she wants you to stop eating oranges, and just eat bananas. At the start you’re like, Yum! I love bananas! But give it a little bit and you’ll start looking like one. You leave banana-freak, and return to your oranges, again getting tired of them over time. Now imagine someone who is willing to share half and half, you have an orange for every banana. Never getting tired of the same thing and getting the benefit of bananas and oranges.

Now bring it back to real life. This whole metaphor circled around the perfect combination. Partners can be “all bananas, all the time” or maybe “THEY’RE MY BANANAS! BACK OFF”, which still does not work. No one wants to change, and frankly, I don’t blame them. But people need to realize, no one is perfect. You have to learn from your partner and be open to be taught by them too. Allow feedback to become that better person, not only as an individual, but as a partner.

Returning to the title, why not both? Be who you want to be, stay the same person, and be the one that everyone loves, especially your special someone. But as well, what you never thought of being. Take feedback; learn to be a better person and a better partner. Perfection comes over time, but be open to becoming a better person all around.

3. Don’t fake a smile.

Love will make and break hearts. Love will find you that special someone, after it’s found you a few others. Love may put you in scenarios that you never imagined yourself in, and put you with people you never wished you would’ve met.

Love can only do so much. The rest is yours to deal with. Here are two quick rules to follow:

i)                    Don’t give up or lose love when the going gets tough. The best relationships are those where the couples fight (within normal bounds) and resolve their problems. You can’t give up.

ii)                   Don’t fake a smile. If you’re brain and you’re heart agree, if she’s not the one for you, then don’t drag the strain any longer than necessary.

Plenty of times I’ve been in relationships where you debate the feelings you are having and the decisions you’ve made. The only thing I’ve taken out of this is that you need to be sincere with yourself and be honest with your partner at the time. If you realize that he/she is not the one, and you don’t see a future, it is best to end the strain on the heart that will last until you are honest with the both of you guys.

I apologize it took me over a week for my second part; this week has been hell with midterms and papers. If anyone has any questions, comments, or suggestions for future topics, please feel free to reply to this and let me know.

Thank you for reading and hopefully this helps you out, whoever you are.

Stay good,
Stay strong,
And stay out of trouble.

-Andrew

Perhaps the romanticised version of a gentleman from chick-flicks is to blame, but whatever the reason… women are picky when it comes to choosing a man. This has enabled men to try extremely hard to figure out what they want. But Nick (NRF2345), in his article, “What do Men Look for in Women,” is right, it’s almost impossible to understand women.

For this reason I have decided to counter Nick’s discussion and show him what some women look for in men.

Wealth & Status                           

• Shocked? I don’t presume you are. But there’s a reason I started with that one. No, I am not saying that all women are gold-diggers, in fact their attraction to a man who is successful is only because they realize that their offspring and family will have a better chance of surviving and a better chance at life. It’s been a natural feeling for women for years. 

Intelligence

• Surprisingly one of the biggest turn on for women isn’t knowing how much the man can bench-press, but instead, having an incredibly stimulating conversation.

Well-toned Arms

• Well-toned arms denotes strength which of course is a great attribute, but one of the biggest reasons that women are attracted to men who seem strong is because they know that they will be well protected and held tight throughout the night. Women want to know that someone will be there to care for them and protect them.

Guys that Take Care of Themselves

• Surprisingly (or not) girls notice a lot of things that guys do not. They observe what guys are wearing, what they smell like, and as we can’t forget due to the many Axe commercials, a guys’ hairstyle.

A Good Listener

• If you are going to listen – here’s the time – Women want a man who can listen to them, and care about the things that they care about. Plus, you’ll get bonus points if you have a good memory.

Sensitive:

• Don’t get me wrong… women dream about a time when her macho man will come rescuing her in the middle of the night, that being the case, however, women also love the sensitive and caring man as well. If you block out tears while watching the Notebook or get all cuddly and playful with children, expect the woman in your life to fall more and more in love with you.

Challenging:

• Women want a challenge (that’s where all the fun is, right?). Women need uncertainty, teasing, and game playing. Remember, women operate on emotion. The more their emotions go up and down, the more female they feel and the more they will want you. Warning: Do not be too challenging, however, as women may also give up as well!

Funny and Witty

• Ah ha! Looking at Nick’s blog, I now see another common interest. Women love to feel relaxed and comfortable with their man and being able to share laughter are one of the best ways to do so! (In fact, being funny is an aphrodisiac!). Also keep in mind that humour has the ability to turn awful situations into wonderful environments and calm women down when they are getting frustrated or furious, which evidently is not an easy task!

Chocolate

• As Melissa pointed out , this may not be a male quality, but it is definitely one thing we like if males have it!

Best Wishes Everyone!

I don’t want to give off the impression that I have a foolproof reason as to why guys cheat but, I do have a few good insights on the issue. I do not intend to rant or to offer excuses or explanations here…but I want to provide a bit of insight on the issue and perhaps a bit of support for those who may have experienced cheating or who might be questioning a relationship they’re in. Although this refers to men, I want to be clear that women do cheat too and both cases are equally appalling and sickening.

            First, I want to set down my definition of cheating: to me cheating is doing anything that you would not do in the presence of your girlfriend or boyfriend. This includes dancing, buying a girl/guy a drink (unless they’re a friend and it’s their birthday or a special occasion), touching arms or hands in a flirty manner, cuddling on a coach, bed or chair together even if you’re not making-out, etc. I’ll make it simple, if you wouldn’t do it in front of your boyfriend or girlfriend because you know they’d be mad, jealous or uncomfortable…there’s probably a good reason for that.

            It seems that cheating in relationships have unfortunately become the rule and not the exception. Most women will go through an unfaithful relationship…but why? Why should this be alright? The answer is, it shouldn’t. Some men (mostly those who cheat) seem to believe they’re entitled to make these mistakes and take these liberties. They see cheating differently than women it seems, and it’s unfair that we should have to be the ones to put these limitations on their actions when it seems like common sense to us where to draw the line. We come out being the “bad guys” and feeing guilty about not trusting our men or about not giving them the liberties their friends might have. So, I want to just take a quick second and make something very clear for anyone who thinks they’re on the verge of cheating. If you are in a relationship you’re unhappy with or seeing yourself starting to stray…either smack yourself good and hard and refocus your attention to your girlfriend, or get out of the relationship. Do NOT stay around and wait to see if your relationship regains its spark while you avert your attention to other women.

So, here it is, my insight on the cheating guy: a few reasons why he cheats, what to look for in that type of cheater and what to do when you suspect infidelity. Keep in mind, these are only suggestions and insights from my personal life and therefore should all be taken with a grain of salt.

1. Men get bored in their relationships: When this happens they start to seek excitement elsewhere. This is dangerous and unhealthy. Guys, if this starts to happen to you, you should talk to your girlfriend and either reassess your happiness with the relationship, or break up. If you end up breaking up, so be it, it’s nothing compared to the havoc you’ll wreak if you continue redirecting your attention elsewhere while still in the relationship.

-What to look for: In this case the man will likely start going out more frequently without you, he will spend more time with his single friends and will become less attentive to your needs.

-What to do: Confront your boyfriend directly. Tell him that you’re not happy with the way the relationship is going and that you’ve noticed he’s starting to lose interest. If he doesn’t deny this give him an ultimatum, let him know that you’re willing to work on the relationship if he is, but if he wants to peruse other women you’re not going to wait and see how it turns out.

           2. “Unintentional” cheating: this may begin at first in a relatively innocent manner… by this I mean, the reality of his actions may not be in the forefront of his mind at first. However, underneath every cheater’s actions are intentions for one thing: something outside of the relationship. This may be another woman, it may be an urge to be single, it may be unhappiness within the relationship or fear of its progression…whatever it is, the result is the same, a man strays.

-What to look for: The start of this kind of cheating may not be noticeable at first, but the individual will begin to take more and more liberties until they are in too deep. It’s easy to become paranoid when watching for this type of cheating as the problem may be very subtle in the beginning. The guy may start doing small things you’re uncomfortable with, like dancing with a friend who is a girl or commenting on how good another woman looks. He may start doing things unrelated to cheating, but that ignore your requests and concerns.

-What to do: Again, you must confront the guy, don’t let small things slide and become large problems you hang on to and ruminate about. It’s best to talk about them and let him know your concerns. Be careful not to do this in a demeaning manner, but rather as a serious conversation about the relationship.

 3. Some men are simply not relationship fit…This of course is by no means an excuse for them, however, it seems as though these individuals even when they’re in relationships desire attention from more women. In a sense they’re never satisfied.

-What to look for: These types of men are generally easier to spot, they will often think of themselves as above you and capable of getting anything they want. They also will likely have problems abstaining from anything they enjoy, especially flirting.

-What to do: If you’re in a relationship with someone like this chances are you rationalize their unacceptable behaviour as just part of their personality; but like I said, if you’re in a relationship…flirting is never ok, being a man-whore isn’t a personality, it’s a lifestyle, and it’s a lifestyle unfit for a relationship, so if they want to be in a relationship it should be changed.

             During cheating the unfaithful individual may become withdrawn, angry from accusations, accuse the other individual of not trusting them and they may begin making obvious slip-ups in their excuses or reactions. Suspecting you’re being cheated on will cause you strain; you may feel you’re to blame, guilty for doubting and stressed over the unknown.

            I just want to point out here, that ladies, if a man cheats it is NEVER your fault. Men cheat though their own decisions, it is THEIR actions and THEIR decision that has resulted in cheating, you do not force them to do it. For this reason, do not feel guilty or that you could have changed it in any way. Instead, be thankful (bear with me) because the relationship has ended. Although it may not feel like it at the time, it is a blessing in disguise. Any time that you have left to live your own life without this individual is precious and you WILL live an amazing life without them although it will take time to get over what happened especially if the relationship was a large portion of you life and/or it had been around for a long time. As long as you focus on the future and the positive and not the past and the negative, you will prosper more than you knew possible. With this being said, never regret the time you spent with this individual, because if nothing else it was a learning experience (it may not seem like much at the time, but to go through it once will make any relationship after it much better). As long as you are positive about future relationship and internalize what you’ve learned from past ones you’ll be fine and much the wiser and stronger.

So perhaps you hoped the ideal gift would enter your head magically or maybe you were busy, heck, perhaps you weren’t even sure if you two would last… but for some reason, it’s a week before Valentine’s Day and you still have no idea what to get that woman that you love.

First of all, don’t worry, I’m here to save the romance and offer you some great tips to ensure that you don’t spend February 14^th in the dog house…or sleeping on the couch.

Show Your Love

• First of all, it’s important to realize that Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to just be one day of the year. Do that something special or buy that unique gift you know she’ll love. Tell her that you love her. Love her with all of your heart and soul. Give yourself completely to her. She knows that that is the best gift she could ever get. 

Rent / Watch a Movie 

• This year, life has been pretty easy on you guys. They have released a movie entitled, “Valentine’s Day” – - think you can handle that one? However, if you’d rather not head out to the hustle and bustle of hundreds of couples, you could always rent a movie (or, *cough* * illegally download it *cough*), go find a snugly blanket, make some homemade treats, and cuddle up together. 

Buy Her a Sweet Card

• I still have a valentine I got when I was eight. It had a bumble bee and said “honey, will you bee mine.” Obviously you don’t have to be as lame as that, but buying a special card or valentine will truly make her feel special.

Buy Her Flowers

• Although I will announce that flowers are a great gesture in saying you’re sorry and perfect for valentine’s day – if you buy a girl flowers for no reason at all – you will get bonus points (and will get the benefit of going “but remember that time I bought you flowers” during a fight). The element of surprise will do wonders. Therefore, if your woman loves romantic gifts, roses will be perfect – they are even the sign of love and passion!
  

Buy Her Jewellery

• I know, I know – this isn’t easy and it’s very intimidating. Girls have their specific taste in shoes, clothes, and of course, jewellery. My suggestion would be to watch her closely for a little while, see what she wears at work, at a party, or even just when relaxing at you at home. There would be no point buying her a beautiful necklace if she never wears them! My only suggestion on this one would be to avoid rings! You’ve heard of promise rings, engagement rings and wedding rings, but have you ever heard of a girlfriend ring? Of course not, because they don’t exist. Nor should they.

Buy Her Chocolate

• I’m going to reveal to you a secret most males do not know… girls love (and crave) chocolate! In fact, girls crave chocolate because it has mood-elevating properties. This is why women sometimes indulge in chocolate after a tough break up or when other stresses occur. Chocolate helps to even out these fluctuations chemically; therefore, it sounds like a win-win for you, you look like a hero for buyer her a special treat, and she’s not moody!

As a final warning, even if she really needs that new vacuum cleaner or toaster, don’t buy it for her for Valentine’s Day. It’s way too unromantic! However, still, do not panic. In fact, more than half the Valentine’s Day cards and gifts are bought are purchased in the day before the holiday… there is still lots of time! Now go out and find that special gift and have a wonderful, and romantic, holiday!

Hugs N Kisses

Throughout the past few decades it has become a well-known fact that women get paid less than their male counterparts and have limited job opportunities in industries that primarily employ men.  The field of sports public relations has been a male-dominated industry for years, and until recently, women were laughed at when they showed interest in covering sports. From gaining access to gaining respect, women have had to overcome many obstacles while attempting to represent athletes and sports teams throughout North America. Women’s subordination in regards to the sports industry is a large problem in the public relations realm and nowhere is this more evident than in the field of baseball.

It has been stated that millions of people spend hours viewing, participating in, and avidly discussing sports.  To those people, women are non-existent in positions of authority.  In fact, a survey conducted in 2001 found that females hold just twenty-two percent of sports information and sports PR positions. What I feel is unjust is the fact that despite the dramatic increase in the number of young women participating in sports, there is not a corresponding number of women taking on the media aspect.

On the other hand, scholars, such as Zena Burgess believes that no longer is sports writing the exclusive domain of males, as the present appears to hold promise for women sports reporters. On that note, however, I feel should it should be debated whether these women, who appear to be breaking through, are being granted the same amount of power, authority or respect.  

For example, through analyzing the situation that occurred to female baseball reporter, Melissa Ludtke, one is able to recognize that although she was able to emerge into the sports PR field, there were still complications.  During the World’s Series in 1977, when the New York Yankees played the Los Angeles Dodgers, Ludtke was denied access to power and authority because she was restricted to access the players in the locker rooms. Although it was commonplace for a male reporter to enter and interview the baseball players immediately after the game, Ludtke was denied this power due to the fact that she was female.  

More importantly I also feel the statement that women in the field have been able to overcome their obstacles should be challenged as I believe that within many male-dominated professions, it only appears that women have surmounted as females have learned to succeed by utilizing their strengths through playing on their common stereotypes.  For instance, this can be observed through analyzing another female baseball reporter, Erin Andrews.  Upon evaluating her professional career, one can see that she has surpassed what has been declared by many scholars as the ‘glass ceiling’ and has found herself obtaining a job that has been reserved predominantly for men.

That being said, however, I still debate whether Andrews has actually overcome barriers as the media merely declares her as a ’sexy woman with a microphone.’ She is not being identified by her reporting skills in the way that successful male baseball reporters, such as Tommy Hutton or Gary Thorne would be. One can understand this more clearly though analyzing Mike Nadel’s comments on Andrews, as he declares that she is “a babe who clearly isn’t afraid to flaunt it, and who saunters around the visiting clubhouse, flirting from one player to another.”  This notion has allowed me to contest why Andrew’s and many other female reporters believe they must portray themselves as simply a sex symbol.  It’s evident that Andrews has enough qualifications and experience that she would get plenty of interviews and attention no matter what she looked like.  Another question that arises is whether Andrews brought it upon herself by wearing short dresses or if the male-dominated society created this culture.

Interestingly, it should be established that Andrews is not the exception, but the standard, as upon observing other women reporters similar problems occur.  Alex J. Robinson, a female reporter for, ‘In the Action Seat,’ interviewed Alex Rios, the right-fielder for the Toronto Blue Jays.  The interview took place after a game in which he went 4-for-5, which included hitting a pair of homeruns.  However, instead of discussing the great game that he played or enquiring how he was so successful at the plate, Robinson asked Rios unusual questions, including, “Is it hard being so beautiful?,” “Would Alex Rios rather wake up with no toes, or no hair?” and “If you were a pork-chop what kind of sauce would you cover yourself in?” Evidently, this depiction plays on the fact that men believe that women do not care about baseball and sports and would rather talk about one’s appearance or life preferences. Unfortunately, I have found that there are many other current examples of female reporters who have had to diminish their authority and power in hopes to have a memorable interview with a great baseball player.

I also believe that problems occur because of the belief that the sports PR field is inadequate for women as it has been declared as a time-intensive, week-end hours, deadline oriented, and never-see-daylight type of job. This notion emphasizes women’s stereotypes as it focuses on society’s depiction of women through their traditional sex roles, being caregivers, mothers and nurturers.  Additionally, time becomes a crucial element in considering why women have not gained entrance, as workers in the field, especially baseball, are known to work late hours and will always be outside the home due to constant travelling.

Mary Jo Haverbeck, a female sports writer for Penn State University’s baseball team also agrees that the field has become completely male-centered. She has been quoted stating that somebody has to break the glass ceiling to assist females who want to get into the sports profession as the numbers aren’t getting any higher for females as male athletic directors like to hire males so no one is reaching out to bring females in.  

That being said, as a female who hopes to someday become a sport writer or reporter, I can only hope that women’s opportunities are only going to get better. Let’s hope they stop striking out and hit a homerun!