CampusIntel

So perhaps you don’t love your partner anymore, or maybe you have different goals in life, or who knows, it could be that you have just stopped getting along. Regardless of the reason, you have come to the conclusion that it’s time to end the relationship.

However, before this moment, you believed the hardest place to be was the dumpee, but now that the tables have turned, you realized you were wrong.

So very wrong.

Breaking up with someone has been proven to be one of the hardest things to do as someone is bound to get hurt. And surprisingly, even though it was your idea, it will end up hurting you more than you expect.

For this reason, I have outlined some ideas to help you Break up and not Break down.

Make sure you want to break-up. You really have to think about this. Ensure this is not a temporary feeling and that it is something, without hesitation that you want. I say this because, once you lose them, more than likely they will be gone forever.

Do it in Person. With the rise of technology, it may seem simpler to break up through text message, msn or via Twitter or Facebook; however, this is one of the worse things you can do. I know this is tempting because it’s much easier for you, but it would also be a type of betrayal. I know it’s hard, but you owe your partner the ability to look him/her in the eye when you break up with them.

Be mature and honest: A relationship is based on trust and dependability – don’t prove you’re unworthy in your last moments together. Sit down with them and explain everything you are feeling and why you think this is the best scenario for the both of you. You also get brownie points if you get a response of “I understand” or “I agree.”

Take Responsibility. Don’t blame him/her. It is already unbearable for the dumpee, don’t make it worse. Take the responsibility for what is taking place and hope that they can relate with your feelings. It’s also important to let them determine when the conversation is over.

Be understanding. It is incredibly important to listen to their feelings and reactions. Do not interrupt or contradict what they have to say. They will listen to what you have to say, so give them the same respect.

Give them space. At first they are going to be angry. Very angry. This is expected. Don’t try to tell them that they are wrong for feeling like they do. In time, they will get over it, and when they do, you will both feel much better.

Avoid dating anyone for a long time. So, I know this is super hard and may not happen, but if you want to have a good chance in staying friends, this step is necessary. If you don’t they may just think you merely broke up with them to be with someone else. If you absolutely must be with someone else (early after the break-up) do yourself and your ex a favour and try to  keep your ex from finding out.

Avoid going where your ex might be. Running into the ex when you or him/her are not ready will be incredibly awkward. Not only that, but it will set back the healing process… almost like ripping off a band-aid when a cut isn’t completely healed.

Stick to your decision: Yes, I left this for the end, but it is so true. Do not delay the break-up further. I know you are hoping that things will get better in the future, but this is rarely the case. Plus putting it off to avoid causing pain will not make things any better. In fact, the longer you take to break up, the harder it will become.

Overall, just keep in mind that there is no painless way of breaking up with someone. No magical words, or powerful things can take the pain away. All that can be done is following these steps and avoiding some common mistakes. This way it will make the pain less for them… and more importantly, for you as well.