CampusIntel

Perhaps the romanticised version of a gentleman from chick-flicks is to blame, but whatever the reason… women are picky when it comes to choosing a man. This has enabled men to try extremely hard to figure out what they want. But Nick (NRF2345), in his article, “What do Men Look for in Women,” is right, it’s almost impossible to understand women.

For this reason I have decided to counter Nick’s discussion and show him what some women look for in men.

Wealth & Status                           

• Shocked? I don’t presume you are. But there’s a reason I started with that one. No, I am not saying that all women are gold-diggers, in fact their attraction to a man who is successful is only because they realize that their offspring and family will have a better chance of surviving and a better chance at life. It’s been a natural feeling for women for years. 

Intelligence

• Surprisingly one of the biggest turn on for women isn’t knowing how much the man can bench-press, but instead, having an incredibly stimulating conversation.

Well-toned Arms

• Well-toned arms denotes strength which of course is a great attribute, but one of the biggest reasons that women are attracted to men who seem strong is because they know that they will be well protected and held tight throughout the night. Women want to know that someone will be there to care for them and protect them.

Guys that Take Care of Themselves

• Surprisingly (or not) girls notice a lot of things that guys do not. They observe what guys are wearing, what they smell like, and as we can’t forget due to the many Axe commercials, a guys’ hairstyle.

A Good Listener

• If you are going to listen – here’s the time – Women want a man who can listen to them, and care about the things that they care about. Plus, you’ll get bonus points if you have a good memory.

Sensitive:

• Don’t get me wrong… women dream about a time when her macho man will come rescuing her in the middle of the night, that being the case, however, women also love the sensitive and caring man as well. If you block out tears while watching the Notebook or get all cuddly and playful with children, expect the woman in your life to fall more and more in love with you.

Challenging:

• Women want a challenge (that’s where all the fun is, right?). Women need uncertainty, teasing, and game playing. Remember, women operate on emotion. The more their emotions go up and down, the more female they feel and the more they will want you. Warning: Do not be too challenging, however, as women may also give up as well!

Funny and Witty

• Ah ha! Looking at Nick’s blog, I now see another common interest. Women love to feel relaxed and comfortable with their man and being able to share laughter are one of the best ways to do so! (In fact, being funny is an aphrodisiac!). Also keep in mind that humour has the ability to turn awful situations into wonderful environments and calm women down when they are getting frustrated or furious, which evidently is not an easy task!

Chocolate

• As Melissa pointed out , this may not be a male quality, but it is definitely one thing we like if males have it!

Best Wishes Everyone!

The other night I was drifting off to sleep with my black lab, Bella, curled up under my arm. Bella had surgery on her cruciate ligament on Monday and like any sick child would do, was looking for a little TLC from her mom.

Combined with the reminder of a horrible incident of animal cruelty in my hometown recently, I was pushed to write this blog. Although I cannot discuss the incident as formal charges have not been laid and I want the individual to receive the worst punishment possible, I can say a small dog was killed in a disgusting way and left outside to rot as though it were trash. Things like this make me angry, upset, and frustrated that I cannot make a difference.

These situations made me think about how often times, people who do not support animal rights say that you cannot compare a dog to a person/child. This is an argument that I do not understand at all. Bella is like a child to me and I would do anything for her, hence the fact that I’ve spent about $7,000 on her since September so that she wouldn’t be in pain and can live a full life from here on out.

When I tell people that Bella is like my child, they don’t get it and often times reply with “it’s not like you gave birth to her!”. This is true, but what about children that are adopted? My little cousin was adopted from China when she was about 13 months old. The fact that my aunt didn’t physically give birth to her doesn’t mean we love her any less. She’s part of our family regardless and is treated the same way a biological child would be.

My point is, Bella and other dogs or animals are more like children than people often wish to believe. A child is able to feel physical pain and no one ever argues this point. Dogs are just as capable of feeling the same pain, which I have witnessed firsthand as Bella has gone through her surgeries. Her physical pain is obvious to me because she cried the first night I had her home.

It’s not okay to physically harm a child. If this were to happen, social services would step in and take the child away, with the parents/caregivers being punished in the highest degree possible.

Since animals are capable of feeling the same physical pain, shouldn’t their abusers face the same punishment? Animal, child, it doesn’t matter because pain is pain.

Another argument that is often heard when discussing animal rights is that animals don’t have emotional feelings. This is completely ridiculous to me. If you have ever looked in the eyes of an abandoned animal, or an animal that has been constantly yelled at and denied human love and attention, you can tell that their hearts and spirits are broken.

Dogs, cats, bunnies, etc. are all capable of loving their owners. At Christmas I had to send Bella to Alberta ahead of me and she stayed with my parents for about a week. Even though they care for her as much as I do, she still missed me. She spent her days (and much to my parents dismay, her nights) whining for me and looking out the window. When I called and they put me on speakerphone, she recognized me voice and would instantly become happy, wagging her tail and knocking things off nearby coffee tables.

A child is taken from their parents when they are emotionally abused, so shouldn’t animals if they are capable of the same suffering?

Children cannot protect themselves so it is the responsibility of the community to ensure that they are treated with dignity and respect. Animals, like children, are also not capable of protecting themselves. Shouldn’t we be responsible for looking after them too, then?

I’m not going to bombard you with photos of the atrocities of what happens to animals every day throughout the world. I can barely look at them without being sick to my stomach.

However, I want you to picture a photo of a child in your mind. The child is small, frail, and you can see every rib in their body. Does this photo make you angry? It should.

Now think about a dog in the same situation. Small, fragile, every rib visible through their patchy, dirty fur. It should make you angry the same way the photo of the child does.

While earning my sociology degree we were taught that a society is judged based on how well they look after the most vulnerable amongst them. If this were the case, our society would be shamefully failing.

Bare feet or furry feet, we need to protect those who cannot protect themselves.

What do Men look for in Women?

It’s a question that has baffled women for ages…myself included. One moment girls have cooties and you are running away from them, then the next, you’re chasing the girl of your dreams.

Most women believe men only look for looks…but ask any guy and you may very well be surprised to learn that perfect bodies and skinny models are far from being the “perfect woman.”

So now you’re thinking… so if that’s not on the top of the list, what is? Guys are attracted to many different traits and of course not attracted to others. Fortunately, I’m here to highlight some of the top qualities that I believe men look for in women.

Personality 

• Surprisingly, a woman’s personality always makes the top of the charts. It is what is most beautiful.  It’s also what distinguishes one female from another. That’s why I believe there’s someone for everyone.

Physical Features

• Alright, alright, I know I said looks aren’t important, but I will admit, guys have a weakness for a female’s eyes and a female’s smile. Now I repeat, although physical features may entice a man to meet you, remember this key fact: Men would rather get to know a woman and discover that she is beautiful naturally instead of just judging her from the way she looks and finding out that she’s really an ugly person on the inside. And remember, men want someone beautiful but beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Happy

• No, this isn’t where I’m going to make you sing “If you’re happy and you know it” But if you are happy and you know it…show it. Why? Well because, men love happy women. Women tend to be the more emotional party of the two in a relationship and being happy is a sign of a good relationship.

Confidence

• This kind of ties into being happy but surprisingly, men dig a woman with confidence and who is comfortable with themselves. That being the case, do remember, that confidence are ego are two different things – although you may not know the difference – men do.

Honesty

• This one is kind of a no-brainer, but honesty and trust are two definite qualities that men seek for in a woman. With our society the way it is, it’s no surprise than want to make sure their woman is going to be faithful.

Intelligence

• We’re not expecting women to be Albert Einstein but we love women that can hold a conversation and be intriguing. A woman that can’t spell her name and uses the word “like” five times in a sentence is definitely not our ideal woman.

Companionship:

• We’re looking for a woman that shares similar interests and that will be our best friend until the day we die. We want someone there to play tennis against us, listen to our stories about our past, and of course, help us study for that upcoming test.

Independence:

• Sure, we love to be wanted and needed and to hold her tight when going through a dark alleyway, but at the same time, we love women that are able to take care of themselves without feeling that she has to compromise herself in a relationship. Too much clingy makes us tear away.

A Sense of Humour.

• No, you do not have to tell us a knock-knock joke every two-seconds, but making us laugh is always a bonus. It shows a free-spirited side. As a bonus, if you laugh at our jokes, it makes us feel really great, so that’s one way of getting bonus points. Plus, a woman with a nice laugh is amazing, so hopefully laughter is as contagious as they say it is.

Basically, we are looking for our future with the hope of being with our partner ‘til the day we die. That being the case, I now ask you women, what do YOU look for in a guy? Is your list similar to ours?

And as a side note, perhaps you can explain your love for chocolate…. Cause I definitely haven’t figured that one out yet.

So an army guy walks into a bar – wait, I know what you’re thinking! This is not a joke; it’s the story of my life. If there was only one military man in the crowd, we would find each other, I kid you not. It’s like an invisible magnetic force I cannot stop, no matter how often I’ve tried.

Despite the fact that both of my parents are civilians, I grew up in a very large military community. As a result, I’ve dated and been friends with my fair share (or more) of men in the military. These experiences have left me with a predominantly negative opinion of those who put on combats every day before they head out the door.

I need to start off by saying not all military/service men are bad romantic partners. Some of my friends are married to perfect, awesome, handsome, NICE military men. Not many, but a few. And this blog does not discuss their capabilities as associated with their jobs, simply their dating habits as I’ve experienced them.

What is it that makes the military man (or firefighter or police officer or sports player) so desirable? I blame the media. With movies like “Dear John” portraying young hotties as romantic heroes, it is no wonder that we come to expect the same of their real life counter-parts. Men in uniform are the grown up girl’s version of Prince Charming.

But ladies, I am here to tell you that he will not ride in on a white horse and save the day. If anything, he will be the reason your day sucked so bad. Although the notion of dating a soldier is a romantic one, my experience has been filled with cheating, lying, not keeping promises, rude/hurtful comments, etc. etc. etc. I could write a thesis based on my own experiences in this field.

I believe that because the military is such a male dominated profession, the men develop a mob mentality/life style as they go through courses and day to day living together. With that much testosterone in one place, it is no wonder that competition arises and they try to one-up each other on the dating scene. Their egos become inflated because many girls swoon at the notion of a soldier, and as a result, they have all the power in the relationship.

Now, I know I sound like a bitter and scorned woman, and maybe I am a little bit. But after sitting down and thinking about all the relationships I’ve had since high school, I realized the common denominator in the bad ones was that they were all men who wear uniforms. Either I am a really terrible judge of character, or I am onto something here. Men in uniform know what to say, when to say it, how to say it, etc. to make you believe whatever they are saying to you.

Despite having been “screwed over” numerous times, I seem to fall for it again and again. No amount of lecturing or begging from friends and family can convince me that this guy is no different than the rest. Even after swearing off military men, I still seem to find myself thinking I’ve found one who “isn’t like the others”.

But this time, I am swearing them off for good…I think?

Men in uniform are good for a party, good for a fling, good to look at, but I would slap the majority of them with an “unsuitable for dating” sticker. At the very least, they should be forced to wear a “Proceed with Caution” sign around their neck.

March 17 is Saint Patrick’s Day, international holiday for university and college students, and all true partiers, reserved for the celebration of green beer. Well, that is what most people would say the holiday’s purpose is. In fact, Saint Patrick’s Day is a 1,500 year old Irish religious holiday commemorating the country’s most foundational figurehead. So, here’s the history lesson on why we sporadically dye everything green every March 17.

Legend has it, Saint Patrick was born into a prominent Roman-British family during the 5th century, A.D., in Britain. His father and grandfather were church deacons, a vocation Patrick would eventually pursue himself. Then, when he was 16, the young saint to be was kidnapped and smuggled to Ireland in order to be sold as a slave.

The young captive was eventually met with a message from God. Instructed to flee to the Eastern coast of Ireland, board a ship, and return to Britain, Saint Patrick followed the divine orders. He successfully returned to Britain, and studied with the priesthood, eventually being ordained. In 432 A.D. he was called back to Ireland in order to help convert aristocracy and peasants alike to Christianity.

Saint Patrick’s return to Ireland is when all the folklore originates. For example, the shamrock was conceptualized as a symbol of Irish nationalism due to Saint Patrick’s teaching strategies. He would use the shamrock, or three-leafed clover, as a visual representation of the Holy Trinity – the three leaves of the shamrock are the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. The shamrock is now a symbol of Irish Christianity and Saint Patrick, and its green colour has been adopted as a marker of Saint Patrick’s work.

The shamrock symbol later inspired the original Irish folk tune “The Wearing of the Green,” anonymously written during the Irish Rebellion of 1798. And rebels who wore a shamrock in their caubeens during this era were representing their support for Irish Republicanism, at risk of being hung for doing so.

Following Saint Patrick’s death on March 17, 461, the date was recognized as a feast day during the Christian season of Lent. Soon it would be recognized as a Holy day of obligation, eventually becoming celebrated as a one-day break from fasting during Lent. Indulging in feasting and drinking ale, original Irish beer, became common festivities on Saint Patrick‘s Day.

It is also widely believed that Saint Patrick could party with the best of ‘em. Apparently, he could consume over six pints of beer and still be able to beat out any Englishman in a game of darts. That’s my kind of saint.

In 1903, March 17 was originally recognized as a National Holiday in Ireland. In the 1990s, the Irish government utilized the fun spirit of the holiday to market tourism. Now it is commonplace for everyone worldwide to be Irish for one day of the year, an excellent way to create awareness about the country. The biggest Saint Patrick’s Day celebrations are in Dublin, and also in the Irish city of Downpatrick, where the Saint is rumoured to be buried. In these cities, the festivities last all week, resembling an Irish version of Mardis Gras.

(These are in no particular order)

15. The bus is not a playground, so don’t let your kids act like it is one – Don’t you just hate those parents who let their kids run around like they’re in their own home or on the school’s playground? Why? It’s a MOVING vehicle!!! Come on now, somebody is going to get hurt!

14. Don’t yell ‘INDOOR VOICES’ at your kids (especially when they aren’t even being that loud) – Set an example for your child. By yelling indoor voices, you totally defeat the purpose of them using their indoor voices. If mommy can yell, so can we!

13. Don’t pay with 100 coins – Now I understand if you have a bunch of coins, I’m a student, I totally understand. But come on… Jamming up the coin taker? Pleaseee. Put them in a few at a time if you have 100 coins!

12. Don’t stare at others – This one goes for ALL the time, not just on the bus. But seriously, it is so uncomfortable when you are sitting on the bus and you can feel the person across the isle just staring you down. So you look over at them and then they look away…. two seconds later they’re at it again!!

11. You can listen to your music, but the rest of us DO NOT want to hear it – It’s been a long day at school or work, you have a headache and you’re getting on the bus to go home. You sit down and at the next stop this guy (or girl) gets on the bus and sits behind you, 3 seats back. S/he has headphones on, but might as well have speakers, because everyone on the bus can hear the words perfectly!! I don’t mind if people listen to music, I do it myself sometimes, but I don’t want to listen to YOUR music!

10. Don’t sing aloud to your music – There is a time and a place for everything. You may think a bus is a great place to display your musical talents (or lack there of) but it’s not. Just that plain and simple, if we wanted to hear you sing, we would ask you.

9. Move to the back of the bus – When the bus is getting full and you are standing up, don’t stay at the front of the bus, move to the back! The people in the back don’t bite! I was on the bus the other day (luckily I had snagged a seat) but I noticed these people who were standing right before the step up to the back of the bus and they just wouldn’t go to the VERY back. More people were getting on and it was getting extremely squished near the front. The back of the bus had all that space! Just be courteous and move back! It’s not that difficult.

8. Give up your seat for the elderly – Shouldn’t this one be obvious? Yeah, you may be tired, but when an older lady or man get on the bus everyone should start to get up to give him/her a seat. It’s just not right to have an elderly person standing. I was on a bus one day (standing) and this older man got on the bus and NO ONE got up to give him a seat at first. I was mortified. There were all these people in their 20’s sitting and no one offered him a seat.

7. Talk to your friends not at them – I don’t want to hear your conversation about the crazy party you went to last night or the hotttttt dudee you almost had and I don’t think anyone else does either, so don’t talk to your friend who is on the opposite end of the bus. Enough said.

6. Wear deodorant please – Deodorant or soap, it’s not too expensive. If you can afford to ride the bus, you can afford to cleanse. I was on the bust one day and this guy about my age got on. He was standing near the back door, and I was sitting near it. He lifted his arm to hold onto the bar and I almost puked. I think the person next to me was feeling a bit queasy too! I hope he didn’t think that raunchy smell was me!

5. When you cough, cover your mouth – We learn this in primary! Don’t spread germs, we’re already too close to each other. If you have to cough just be polite and cover your mouth!

4. If the bus is full, don’t take up two seats – It’s just that simple! Put your bag on your lap or on the floor. Not so hard to do.

3. Talking on cell phones – I could go on for a while about this one. It’s okay to talk on your cell, we all do it. But no one wants to hear your conversation about the guy you slept with last night or how you just found out you can fit your entire fist (including most of your wrist) in your mouth.

2. If there are a lot of empty seats, don’t sit by a random person - There are empty seats everywhere but you get on the bus and just have to sit by me! Why????

1. If I’m listening to music, I don’t want to talk to you – I have my earphones in for a reason. A) I want to listen to my music. B) I am tired and had a long day. C) To avoid weird people who like to make small talk with me on the bus.

If you follow these rules I think everyone would enjoy their bus ride just a little bit more! I know I would. As students we’re often forced to take the bus because no one can afford to buy their own car let alone pay for the gas to make it drive! If we just all follow these simple 15 rules then everyone will be happier!

Don’t play innocent, we’ve all been there.  You met up with that cute guy or gal who you’ve been eyeing in class for a quick bite and everything’s going great.  The conversation is flowing and there’s smiles all around until that awkward lull when he or she pulls out their cellphone to read or answer a text message.  At this point you’re red in the face, fumbling to finish your sentence hoping that they’re still listening to you. Then you ask yourself things like, “Who are they texting?”, “Am I boring him/her?” and of course “Is he/she into me?”

Text messaging is a huge cultural phenomenon among teenagers and young adults, in which peers can keep in constant communication, anywhere at any time with the touch of a few buttons. It’s cheap. It’s convenient. It’s perfect.

With these points in mind, texting seems to be a great and inexpensive way to keep in touch with your pals. What you might not have considered though is the strain it can put on your personal relationships with others.

Texting allows couples and dates to keep in touch by connecting, flirting and of course “sexting”, many young adults seeing it as a necessary form of additional communcation aside from e-mails and phone calls.  It also provides singles the opportunity to feel out a potential match and can provide a quick getaway during a bad or awkward date (“My sister’s car broke down/is in the hospital/is in prison/etc.” Anything to get you out of there!).

As amazing as text messaging is, there are potential issues when texting and dating are combined. In an era where electronic forms of communication like e-mail, text and instant messaging are considered the norm, everyone is expected to be in constant contact with one another. It is because of this, a person’s texting habits can be translated into their persona and feelings, whether they’re glued to their QWERTY board or whether T9 is uncharted territory to them.

On the negative side of things, texting can be toxic for relationships and when pursuing potential romantic partners. Many second dates have been ruled out with the constant use of text messaging with friends or ex-partners during dates. For many, texting on a date is annoying and unnattractive. If you’re texting at a restaurant, your date will get the vibe you’re not interested in them and would rather communicate electronically with someone else than talking to you. A problem I have often encounted is the ambiguity of messages. What one perceives as sarcasm, another might take literally.

Now, you don’t have to chuck your cellphone into the garbage to assure a healthy romantic relationship. Simple little things can help, like, I don’t know, dialing their phone number? Just because texting is a norm doesn’t mean that you have to absolve all other more personal forms of communication. And besides, it makes people feel special, and you want to feel special, don’t you?

In a William Wallace (Braveheart) voice: “They can take our lives, but they can never take our FREEDOM!!”

Many have seen that movie, many have heard these words (probably even recited improperly), but no one realizes that these words are something to live by on a day–to-day basis. These words, along with other famous quotes, become the foundation to a good inner-strength. I will, throughout my BoBH (pronounced Bob) blogs, explain the importance of this quote and of the others, but for now, let’s start at the start. Start off on a good foot, with some rainbows, pixie dust and a bucket of sunshine.

Now that you’ve realized the point of these blogs, I want you to realize why I’m here. I, myself, have been through my fair share of relationships. From the best, long-term relationships, to the utterly terrible, short-term disasters, I’ve dealt with many situations. Now don’t get me wrong. I’m no guru; I’m no man whore or some “know-it-all”. Recently, I’ve come to notice that many boys, like me, go into relationships without realizing what they are doing, what they want and the changes that may need to be made.

That’s why I’m here. I’m that little voice inside your head, hopefully leading you to happiness with whoever that person may be.

Just like sports, video production, cooking, you need to have a pre-“game” plan:

Step 1:
Foundation for the Future.

The main thing is that both parties involved know what each other want and agree on it. Hell, sign a contract if you want (we all know how some women can alter the “understanding”). Choose your destiny is pretty appropriate to this topic. First off, figure out what you guys “are”. Is this relationship a serious one (long-term or just a short-term one)? The famous “friends with benefits”? The “no-friends, just benefits” combo? Feel free to create your own, individually or as a couple.

But wait! Don’t just think present, maybe even look into the future. Obviously no one is asking you to be like Nostradamus, but talk about the future with you guys. Do you see this “friend with benefits” deal become a serious relationship? How fast do you want to move in a relationship? Basic understanding is the foundation of this relationship.

Step 1.1:
1+1=1?

I only created this step recently; I’ve come to realize its key importance in a successful relationship. I’ve called it 1.1 because it belongs fundamentally with the foundation, yet is not necessary and can be watered-down if preferred.

This step, I believe, can be mainly used for the serious relationships, but can be changed for whatever plan you have created for the both of you. Now remember, this step doesn’t have to be a cannonball attack (all at once), it can be more like a grenade explosion, with several pieces hitting you at different times, and slowly letting the pieces sink in.

What I’m trying to get at is that you need to understand the other person’s likes, dislikes, hobbies, preferences, turn-ons, turn-offs, etc… Like mentioned before, feel free to sit down with each other and just let loose, telling everything, starting with a clean and open slate. Or just over time, mention something that you like or dislike. But for the love of all that is right…do not get mad at the other person if they did not know. They don’t read minds! Explain to the person why you like or hate that thing…make it clear and understandable.

This is why it’s 1+1=1. If you want to understand the other person, and for them to understand you, you will need to become “one” and share what is necessary to make the relationship fun, exciting and enjoyable.

This will be it for this blog. Those are just a few quick tips to start off. If there is anything you guys want me to talk about or discuss more in depth, feel free to ask/recommend. I’m open to all.

And remember: Stay good, stay strong, and stay out of trouble!

Peace.

Andrew

It’s safe to say the majority of STU students are familiar with the Facebook group “Overheard at STU.” But what about those weird and wacky style sightings? You know, the ridiculous outfits and trends that make you think “Are they for real?”

Hey there. I’m a first-year journalism student from small-town Nova Scotia. I plan to rant about what’s in, what’s out, and what I have to say about all that. I’ve got an interest in fashion, but don’t expect to see me buying into every hooker boot, furry vest trend.

Let’s talk weekend wear. There’s a gaping contrast between evening and morning clothing choices, for obvious reasons. At night some girls just can’t get enough of tight skirts, tight shirts, tight anything. And then there’s the always classy choice of the magical shirt turned dress. Don’t get me started on that one.

Now in the morning there’s a chameleon effect. Baggy sweatpants, t-shirts, hoodies.. you get the picture. I understand the need for comfort. And yet I get the impression that subconsciously it’s a competition to see who can make the largest transformation. It’s like a math equation. To achieve the best results I put minimal effort into my morning appearance to appear as if a rough night occurred. Then I can put any amount of effort into my going out appearance and get compliments for the miraculous makeover.

But enough of that. This season’s trends have great potential for weekend attire that even I won’t deem inappropriate. Denim leggings are hoping to become the perfect mix between the look of skinny jeans and the comfort of normal leggings. Done with a longer shirt, heels and confidence, this look is sure to be a winner. And they can easily switch to day wear when done with boots and a tunic-style top. If you’re looking to pick up a pair check out Smart Set, American Eagle or Garage for $20.

In the tops department, designers have been putting the focus on necklines. Cowl necks made a comeback from the 30s and were a quick go-to item for going out. Slowly they’re finding themselves at the back of the closet this season, while halter, v-neck, and strapless are returning. A greater emphasis is now being placed on rising waistbands. This combination of neckline and waistband I find more appealing than the previous kangaroo-like pouch covering the chest.

Don’t get me wrong; lots of university students dress perfectly normal. But there are just some fashion statements out there that scream notice me. Two of my favourites around campus are the “I just rolled out of bed and yes I could care less” and “The gym, the caf, class, whatever; I’m always making a statement.”

If you need visuals, picture sweatpants tucked into slippers and a baggy t-shirt for the first. And for the second, hair always down (that includes the gym), and brand names galore.

Now, I don’t claim to be an expert fashionista by a long shot. But I do claim to be an avid fashion observer. So if you catch me staring, it’s most likely because I love your shoes, or find your bag atrocious.

So perhaps you don’t love your partner anymore, or maybe you have different goals in life, or who knows, it could be that you have just stopped getting along. Regardless of the reason, you have come to the conclusion that it’s time to end the relationship.

However, before this moment, you believed the hardest place to be was the dumpee, but now that the tables have turned, you realized you were wrong.

So very wrong.

Breaking up with someone has been proven to be one of the hardest things to do as someone is bound to get hurt. And surprisingly, even though it was your idea, it will end up hurting you more than you expect.

For this reason, I have outlined some ideas to help you Break up and not Break down.

Make sure you want to break-up. You really have to think about this. Ensure this is not a temporary feeling and that it is something, without hesitation that you want. I say this because, once you lose them, more than likely they will be gone forever.

Do it in Person. With the rise of technology, it may seem simpler to break up through text message, msn or via Twitter or Facebook; however, this is one of the worse things you can do. I know this is tempting because it’s much easier for you, but it would also be a type of betrayal. I know it’s hard, but you owe your partner the ability to look him/her in the eye when you break up with them.

Be mature and honest: A relationship is based on trust and dependability – don’t prove you’re unworthy in your last moments together. Sit down with them and explain everything you are feeling and why you think this is the best scenario for the both of you. You also get brownie points if you get a response of “I understand” or “I agree.”

Take Responsibility. Don’t blame him/her. It is already unbearable for the dumpee, don’t make it worse. Take the responsibility for what is taking place and hope that they can relate with your feelings. It’s also important to let them determine when the conversation is over.

Be understanding. It is incredibly important to listen to their feelings and reactions. Do not interrupt or contradict what they have to say. They will listen to what you have to say, so give them the same respect.

Give them space. At first they are going to be angry. Very angry. This is expected. Don’t try to tell them that they are wrong for feeling like they do. In time, they will get over it, and when they do, you will both feel much better.

Avoid dating anyone for a long time. So, I know this is super hard and may not happen, but if you want to have a good chance in staying friends, this step is necessary. If you don’t they may just think you merely broke up with them to be with someone else. If you absolutely must be with someone else (early after the break-up) do yourself and your ex a favour and try to  keep your ex from finding out.

Avoid going where your ex might be. Running into the ex when you or him/her are not ready will be incredibly awkward. Not only that, but it will set back the healing process… almost like ripping off a band-aid when a cut isn’t completely healed.

Stick to your decision: Yes, I left this for the end, but it is so true. Do not delay the break-up further. I know you are hoping that things will get better in the future, but this is rarely the case. Plus putting it off to avoid causing pain will not make things any better. In fact, the longer you take to break up, the harder it will become.

Overall, just keep in mind that there is no painless way of breaking up with someone. No magical words, or powerful things can take the pain away. All that can be done is following these steps and avoiding some common mistakes. This way it will make the pain less for them… and more importantly, for you as well.