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Critically acclaimed award-winning novelist of Fight Club and Choke, Chuck Palahniuk has released his latest novel, Tell-All on Doubleday on May 4, 2010.

A Random House review of Tell-All on The Cult, Palahniuk’s official website, describes the novel as a “Sunset Boulevard–inflected homage to Old Hollywood when Bette Davis and Joan Crawford ruled the roost; a veritable Tourette’s syndrome of rat-tat-tat name-dropping, from the A-list to the Z-list; and a merciless send-up of Lillian Hellman’s habit of butchering the truth” (Source: chuckpalahniuk.net).

Narrator Hazie Coogie, caretaker of Hollywood actress Katherine “Miss Kathie” Kenton, guides the mysterious tale turned murder plot when Miss Kathie’s latest suitor, Webster Carlton Westward III, is discovered to have written a celebrity tell-all memoir alluding to Miss Kathie’s death in a forthcoming Lillian Hellman musical (Source: chuckpalahniuk.net).

Tell-All thus pays homage to American playwright Lillian Hellman, who died in 1984. Following the discourse laid out in Hellman’s autobiography, The Unfinished Woman (1969), Palahniuk reproduces Hellman’s controversial starlet persona crafted during her forty-plus year career. After penning critical successes such as The Children’s Hour (1934) and The Little Foxes (1939), Hellman’s public image was tested in the 1950s when she was blacklisted by the Hollywood Movie Studios for her long-time affair with communist party member and detective-novelist Dashiell Hammet.

Palahniuk is also set to release a novel, Damned, in 2011, which he said in an interview with Doubleday is “about an eleven-year-old girl who finds herself in Hell and learns how to manipulate the corrupt system of demons and bodily fluids. Imagine if The Shawshank Redemption had a baby by The Lovely Bones and it was raised by Judy Blume, and you have my next new project” (Source: chuckpalahniuk.net). Watch for a North American tour by Palahniuk soon in support of Tell-All.

As a high school graduate of 2000, it’s coming around to that time of life — time for the 10 year high school reunion.  I’ve got to be careful about what I choose to write here, because I think I might inadvertently get myself de-invited. 

I while ago, I got the official (via Facebook) invitation for my 10 year high school reunion, set to go down this summer.  Good on the former students for organizing, apparently the school was ZERO help.  So with the class of 2000 set to ride again, I pose the following query for your dissection: The whole Facebook thing seems to have eliminated the need for high school reunions, hasn’t it? 

I mean, wasn’t the whole thing with the reunion to see and catch up with people you lost touch with over the last X amount of years, and catch up?  So, now with pretty well every human being on the planet having a Facebook profile, and certainly most of every grad class that ever, well, grad-ed (even those who took a little extra time)… well, haven’t we all been doing that very same catching up, and keeping IN touch with each other already, via Facebook, or email, or whatever?

For those who just wanted to see who got fat, who’s bald, who’s rich, who’s still on drugs, and/or who you think you have it better than, well, there’s an app for that all the magic of those mysteries can be solved with a few clicks on incriminating Facebook posts.  So that’s out.  Even if you just want to creep on pictures, and see every move everyone’s made over the last decade, well, that’s at your disposal too—as long as you’ve got that all important “Friend Request” approval.  You don’t even need to leave your house for that.      

And for those looking to show up and prove some point about what you made of yourself and how you’re back to extract revenge on all the people that picked on you by rubbing your accomplishments in everyone’s face, well, if you didn’t already know… YOU’RE THE REASON NO ONE WANTS TO GO TO THESE THINGS. 

Here’s a few direct quotes from people in the reunion group that I cut and paste from our reunion page; all examples of things I don’t want to deal with, nor conversations I want to become involved in, if I were to attend:

“I think this past year was my best looking year”

“I’ll be at the grad reunion and be the shocker of it all”

“I neither got fat nor skinny. I got out of my Goth period and grew my hair long.”

“I wasn’t the smartest student…and some people may have thought I wouldn’t do much in my life… well I am happy to say I’m doing pretty good.”

So basically all the things that make you point out how late it is, or pretend you’re getting a call on your phone that didn’t ring, or remind yourself of what you left on the stove, or plugged in, or what’s burning down, or whatever else you can conjure up to exit that convo A-S-A-P.

Now, of course there are good, positive reasons to go.  There definitely is no replacement for seeing people in person when compared to online social networking.  There are a few good people that I would enjoy seeing, and hanging out with again.  Rekindle some old friendships, and re-connect with those who have managed to hermit themselves from technology.  Was there anyone that became famous in our class?  Hmm, might be interesting to find that out. 

Of course, there’s going to be people who’re only going to go if ______ goes, and then there’s a stalemate, and then no one goes.  And some people live really far away, and just can’t go.  I’ve been fortunate to stay good friends with the people of that group I care to keep in touch with most; and at times, I think that’s probably all I really need.

Look, high school wasn’t that bad for me, compared to some of the tortured stories I’ve heard from others.  I had some good times, and some good friends, tried to be a good dude, and also tried not to fail classes and get stuck there.  I think I learned a few things in class here and there, but math DID turn out to be useless just like we all contended; outside of calculating tips at restaurants of course.  I definitely had my insecurities, embarrassments, and jerks and idiots that I wish I never had to have dealt with; but I got out relatively unscathed.  Some stories I’ve heard are certainly of the kind of psychologically damaging material that has people paying shrinks to keep them from climbing to the top of a bell tower and opening fire.  I don’t recall crossing anyone in that manner, so I think my odds of getting shot are fairly low.  I can think of a few people whose odds are probably not in their favour though… remind again why we all want to get together with each other again?

So if we all know that eveyone’s got their issues buried somewhere down deep, can we just all agree that this thing’s not an opportunity to get revenge, or to continue being an idiot to people, or to take that last shot at love with the girl/guy you liked but were too shy to talk to, or whatever agenda you’ve been stewing in the crockpot for waaaay too long, and can we all just hang out like civilized adults that weren’t only brought together by the social bindings of a mandatory public education system?  Can we all just pretend that despite the social awkward life period of us all once being acceptance-seeking (just me?) adolescents that were forced to congregate in the same building for 5 consecutive years, that we actually want to be in the same place with each other this time for some reason?

 Or maybe should we all just go buckwild; have one side of the room for people who want to start fights, gloat, and get embarrassed by asking out the person you always wanted to date that still doesn’t want to date you roll the dice on a crack at romance, and the other side for all the people who are over themselves and their issues, and just wanna hang out and have a good time?      

Again, I hope I haven’t just lost my invitation.  I know I sound cynical, but surely I’m not the only one with these thoughts running through their heads. 

My invitation status is currently set as “Maybe Attending”.  Do you think I should go?  Why or why not?  Did you/are you going to yours?  Why or why not?  What’s your best high school reunion story?

read more of Dave at Serenity Now… The SDC Blogs http://davecunning.wordpress.com

Remember when you were little, and you kept saying that you didn’t want a nap and that you were totally wide awake? Then you would fall asleep anyway on the couch? And if you didn’t get your nap in people would excuse your crankiness because little you hadn’t had their nap that day? Don’t you just miss it?

Flash forward to real (although some would argue this), university, life. You are in your two thirty class, your eyes begin to droop, you stifle a yawn, you try and think why you didn’t eat breakfast. Instead of the teacher’s words in your head there is a little cartoon of you, asleep, with a textbook attached to your face while you drool. … Well not gonna lie, that’s what happens to me. And the worst part? NO ONE excuses your crankiness just because you didn’t have a nap!

This is not a guide about how to nap properly, or when, or what you should do.

This is about why napping is a good thing, how it makes you feel better, and above and beyond anything it is about how some people can make the nap an artform! (I am very jealous of those people).

I would like to point out that most studies seem to be of the opinion that a 20 minute cat nap is good for you. From my experience it may be a refresher for about an hour, but in the long run it just doesn’t keep you awake.

In order to make napping an artform I feel I should give you some advice about how NOT to nap.

- Don’t get into your pjs and into bed, turn off the lights and put your ear plugs in. Your body will most likely be getting sleep signals and instead of that 45 minute “rest” period you will sleep for three hours, wake up disoriented and cranky, and the worst part, you wont be able to sleep until really late that night.

- At the same time, let your body get its rest!!! If you need an hour, take an hour!

- Don’t worry about falling asleep while reading. Don’t try and wake yourself up when you are just falling asleep over a book. If you are getting sleepy allow yourself that rest. You will probably be reading with the lights on and so your body will know it is not time for sleep and you will get a relaxing amount of sleep but not too much.

- Don’t complain about how tired you are to everyone around you! (Ok I know this has virtually nothing to do with napping but c’mon people! We are university students, it’s like our job to be tired)! Take a nap or go to bed earlier.

- Don’t plan your naps. I mean, if you want to fine, but I have found that if I set aside that time every day for a planned nap I can no longer sleep.

- Don’t nap too late in the day. This should be an obvious one but if you go to bed at 10 don’t start napping at 6.

- MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL to the Art of Napping: do not feel bad for napping. Our bodies go through a lot in the day. I don’t know where this stigma came from about napping during the day (maybe our internal big kids are like, “hey we are old, we don’t need to nap). Personally, the happiest people I know are people who take a nap at least twice or more times a week!

So ladies and gentlemen. I know this isn’t a guide to napping. But it should help to make your napping a perfect artform! … Actually I kind of feel like a nap right now…

Last summer Toronto based poverty advocacy group The Stop Community Food Centre initiated an informative campaign called Do The Math. The project informed Ontarians of the dismal state of social assistance in the province, with the main argument that Ontarians receiving welfare and other social assistance are unable to provide themselves, and often their families, a healthy diet. Many of these people are forced to rely on food banks and soup kitchens for daily meals, where basic essential nutrition is hard to find, The Stop officials insist.

The response to the Do The Math campaign was good. Over 4,000 Ontarians sent postcards to Premier Dalton McGuinty, asking for positive action regarding the nutrition dilemma. But The Stop is still agitated that little has been done to help with low-income Ontarians to achieve a more-equal status in comparison to their neighbours off social assistance.

Usher in The Stop’s latest poverty awareness campaign, the Do The Math Challenge. Beginning on April 6, ten of Toronto’s prominent activists, government officials and celebrities picked up a food hamper from The Stop. The mission is to live off the hamper’s bounty, which usually lasts a person 3 to 4 days, and the city’s food banks for as long as possible, but at least a week. Participants include journalist/author/activist Naomi Klein, singer for Polaris Prize winning punk band Fucked Up Damian Abraham, musicians Rosina Kazi and Nic Murray of Toronto band LAL, and Toronto Ward 21 councillor Joe Muhavic and family, among others.

The purpose of the Do The Math Challenge is to create social awareness about the plights of poverty in Toronto, which are not exclusive to nutrition concerns. The Stop advocates for better treatment of impoverished, marginalised citizens in all sectors of contemporary city-life. It uses the dismal issue of under-nourishment among social assistance users as a vantage point on Toronto, and Ontario’s, many poverty triggered problems.

Follow all the participants with updates of how the challenge is affecting them here. Take action in the fight for equality in Canada.

I’ve been a fan of the “Resident Evil” video game series ever since I played the first incarnation, oh so long ago, on the Nintendo Gamecube.  It’s such an incredibly well made series; games that absolutely terrify me, but somehow coax me into seeing them through to conclusion.  This leash has previously tugged me through renting RE: Zero, 1, 2, 3, owning 4, and watching the three theatrical releases. 

As a Nintendo loyalist, I’ve owned every and only Nintendo consoles (NES, SNES, N64, Gamecube, DS, and Wii) I was naturally quite rattled/relieved that I wouldn’t get to play RE: 5; due to its exclusive release on Sony PS3 and XBOX 360.  Though I would not get to dabble in Capcom’s 5^th RE terror walk, us Nintendo folk have been given the chance to try to survive 2 other RE offerings that are exclusive to Wii: RE: “The Umbrella Chronicles” (2007), and “The Darkside Chronicles” (2009).  Recently, my brother and I decided to delve in head first, and we rented them simultaneously.

Both games are “on-rail shooters”, which basically means that the game controls your movement through the game, while you contribute the offence/carnage.  It plays very arcade-like (a game called “Lucky & Wild” comes to mind),  and is stocked with soild graphics and a cool underlying story line that permits you further knowledge of the missing pieces in the ongoing Resident Evil saga. 

Both titles are feature quite simplified controller interaction compared to previous releases on various platforms; of which’s controller button functions have grown to absurd levels in recent years.  Both games are compatible with the Wii zapper to simulate the gun use, offer optional use of the Wii nunchuk to increase the field of view (only on UC) and switch weapons, a “B” trigger to shoot, “A” button to pick up items, and the control pad to toggle between your guns.  Both games make use of the Wii sensor bar; allowing you to swing the Wii-remote to swipe at enemies with your knife.  Co-operative play with another player is another new addition not previously offered, and something I found to be great fun. 

In response to why the gameplay had been made simpler, the games’ producer, Masachika Kawata, observed that “Wii users like easiness” and that the older gameplay style would be difficult for Wii’s larger and broader target audience, rather than for its series’ niche enthusiasts.  He also admittedly lowered the level of difficulty to appeal to the mass Wii users (entire families), rather than the slim teenage/young-adult male demographic that has been playing/buying/funding the whole series and its success thus far.  A good idea for Wii, but definitely a frustration point for hardcore RE fans.

Wii/Capcom’s decision to cater to mass rather than niche is curious, considering that they storylines you uncover in both games could only be understood by those aforementioned harcore fans of the series.  “Umbrella Chronicles” focuses on the ongoings of Albert Wesker, a main antagonist of the series.  Without offering any spoilers, basically as you play through the game, you discover what he had been doing while absent from view in the past games, and gain further insight into his Umbrella Corp. involvement, and continuing meddling with S.T.A.R.S. agents.  You also get to revisit some incidents of RE:0, 1, and 3 with familiar characters Rebecca Chambers, Billy Coen, Chris Redfield, Jill Valentine, Ada Wong,  HUNK, and new addition, Carlos Oliveira; transporting you back to the train, the Mansion, and Raccoon City in certain scenarios.

                                      ************************

“Darkside Chronicles” takes you through RE:2, Code Veronica, and offers some new material.  This game allows you to play as Leon S. Kennedy and Jack Krauser  (mortal enemies in RE:4, so this gives insight into their prior relationship) Claire Redfield (as she searches for her lost brother, Chris), Sherry Birkin, and another appearance from Ada Wong.  As Leon and Krauser interact while on a mission to exterminate a South American drug lord/Umbrella affiliate, Leon recounts his experiences in Raccoon City before RE:4, which allow for the gameplay of the other characters in other scenarios.

Though we completed both games in a week, they were fun to play.  There’s plenty of fresh storyline and throwback  for the veteran Resident Evil player, and easy gameplay for the newbie to jump into and enjoy.  Flesh-hungry zombies still come out of the woodwork in mind-boggling quantities and time, and still have the ability to freak you out.  There’s also plenty of difficulty adjustments and unlockable content to keep you playing for a long time.  Some levels have to be unlocked by accomplishing certain tasks, and the game cannot be completed unless you do.   Though I would suggest renting these games rather than buying them, there’s plenty of fright, fun, and intrigue to keep you tuned in until they are complete; and seed interest in the next Resident Evil release. 

Judgement: Rentals

read more of Dave at Serenity Now… The SDC Blogs http://davecunning.wordpress.com

Recall Romeo drinking the fatal elixir so he can be with his beloved Juliet for all eternity, only to realize, once it is too late, that his maiden’s plan was to fool everyone else about her apparent death, not him. The ignorant hero’s quickness in action ironically befalls him when it matters most. The message that Friar Lawrence failed to get to Romeo: Juliet is alive. It is easy to recognize missed messages and their symbolism in drama on a strictly linear plot.

However, showing multiple characters missing integral messages becomes a daunting task, which Joseph Boyden masters in his Scotiabank Giller Prize winning novel, Through Black Spruce.

The novel opens with alcoholic bush pilot extraordinaire Will, the grandson of Elijah Whiskeyjack whom Boyden’s first novel, Three Day Road, follows. Speaking to his nieces Suzanne and Annie Bird from his hospital bed, not until the climax is the mystery of Will’s hospitalization revealed. But it only takes until the second narrative, led by Annie, to understand that Will is in a coma, and unable to speak. Thus, from the onset, a conversation is constructed between two people – Will and Annie – who cannot hear what each other is saying.

The novel bounces back and forth between Annie and Will’s narratives with each chapter. We learn that Annie is visiting her uncle on a regular basis, and has been told by Will’s nurse Eva, also a family friend, that speaking to him will help with a bountiful recovery (if a recovery is possible). So, via Annie’s attempt to nourish her uncle’s brain, we learn her story.

Annie is back from a wild adventure in search of her long-lost sister, Suzanne, who is a semi-renowned fashion model. Still oblivious to her sister’s track to New York City, Annie makes her first stop in Toronto, the last known whereabouts of Suzanne to her family. Here she meets Painted Tongue, who is later revealed to be named Gordon, and turns out to be Annie’s self-proclaimed “protector.”

Painted Tongue does not speak, and we only understand his thoughts through Annie’s perception of his actions, moans, and moods. The mute Native character is actually a previously dawned character of Boyden’s: the protagonist of a short story, aptly named Painted Tongue, which makes up part of Boyden’s first book, a compilation of his short stories entitled Born With A Tooth. The short story explains why Painted Tongue does not speak: he chooses not to, in protestation to the way he is treated while living on the streets of Toronto. An alcoholic, Painted Tongue moans his way through life, refusing to converse with the neo-colonial symbols he encounters personified in police officers, construction workers, and elite businesspeople. The reader is forced to analyse why he is silenced. And, since he does not converse through language, how Annie Bird always knows what he is thinking – right up to the point of their consummation late in the plotline of Through Black Spruce.

From Toronto, Annie and her protector move on to NYC on a tip that Suzanne is there. Here, Annie is shadowed by the spirit of her missing sister, they fuse into one being. Annie meets Suzanne’s sketchy model-world friends, frequents her clubs, and begins modelling herself. After a while, though, Annie eagerly wants to know what happened to her sister, essential to Will’s current vegetative state. Annie begins to send postcards to her mother back in Moosonee, signed by missing Suzanne, offering another tweaked message image: the sender is absent. Ironically, Annie learns that there are more postcards being sent from Suzanne from around Europe, and Annie and Gordon quickly flee home.

Meanwhile, as Annie tells Uncle Will about her laborious, often life threatening adventures, Will pseudo-responds to her from beyond consciousness. He recounts his life as a bush pilot, flying hunters and travellers in and out of uncharted territories around James Bay, which took a turn for the worse when his family was killed in a house fire. In response, he intentionally crashes his plane, but is saved by the volunteer fire department. So, he drinks to ease his pain.

Will’s conceived purpose in life triggers an adventure of his own to live in the wilderness surrounding James Bay for almost a year. He is seeking solitude, but is unaware of the outer world following him. Among many plot diversions, he comes across a beached whale’s skeleton, representing the larger-than-life obstacles he is faced with. He decides to sit in it for a while and enjoy a few nips of whiskey, when suddenly he is not alone. Will is met with a set of grandparents and their two granddaughters, who mirror Annie and Suzanne with a highly effective linking seagull feather image, and his newly recovered shame of skipping town pushes him back to his problems at home. Climactically, a keepsake of Will’s grandfather from World War One debuting in Three Day Road saves him from falling to his biggest enemies, alcoholism and depression aside.

What do all the missed messages mean? Firstly, Annie’s silence regarding an important piece of information creates the initial tension in the story. Then, she must deal with this by ironically sending many more unheard tales to her laid up uncle. Eventually, the silence theme that looms about throughout the novel transforms into a humbling force for all the characters.

We all do it. I am talking about procrastinating for those G.D. exams! You’re probably thinking, productive procrastinating? Well we all get stressed out, so if we’re going to procrastinate then it might as well be something that helps you “de-stress”.
So I thought I would come up with some ways to procrastinate that will — in the long run– help you with your studying!

1. Blog - Obviously. Blogging is a good way to get your thoughts out. Plus you can set a limit for yourself. “After I write this I will go back to studying.” If you are stressed out about exams, write about them!

2. Make a healthy snack - According to the University of Kansas Medical Centre eating a healthy snack that includes protein – such as cheese or nuts – will help energizer you! Then you will be more energetic and ready to get back to studying.

3. Stretch – for a “mini office workout” click here, which we’ll call a mini study break workout!

4. Watch Ellen – She always makes me laugh! She’ll make you laugh too. Or watch a show that you love. Limit it to one show and not a move, nothing longer than an hour. If you watch an entire movie you may get lazy and not want to get back to work. Laughing is a good stress reliever; you can study on the commercials if you’re a keener! Once the show is over you can get back to studying.

5. Clean – Sounds like a drag I know. But if you clean up your study space and have everything organized you’ll be able to study better! You’ll know where all your notes are, and not have to waste time searching your entire room for them!

6. Rearrange your room – Feng Shui your room! There are many types of Feng Shui for exam studying the best thing to do would be to feng shui for knowledge and wisdom! Here are some easy tips. Add blue to your room to increase your brain vibes. Have symbols of mentors or wise people. Like a picture of Gandhi, or someone you admire their wisdom in your study area. As for things to remove from your study space: drugs and alcohol, clutter (give yourself space), unclear stuff (windex your window, clean off your computer monitor).

7. Talk to a friend – Call up your best friend, or head over to his/her house. Take a break with them. Talk about what you’re stressed out about so s/he can offer you solutions to your exam stress problems!

8. Stick notes around your room – Run to the dollar store, or campus bookstore and buy some sticky notes. Write key facts, phrases or stuff you need to remember on them and stick them around your room. On your closet door, beside your reading light etc. You’ll look at them a lot and start remembering them for your exams!

9. Exercise – Go for a brisk walk, or head to the gym for a power hour workout! Yoga is a great relaxation technique so if you’re feeling really stressed head to a yoga class, or find an instructional video online.

10. Get fresh air – Make sure you get a little fresh air daily! A ten minute walk in the park or to the library will help.

Exam time can be so stressful, and I know everyone procrastinates, so why not do some good procrastinating?

Sleeping, while studying. If that's possible...

Good luck on your exams!

There’s lots of shows coming up in and around Toronto. If you’re in the area, check out some cool live music.

TOMORROW March 28 Terrorist, Sexual Assualt, Kekefene (3 Street Punk bands from St. Catherines) and Skunx (Punk/Oi from TO) @ Rearview Mirror in Toronto – Starts early around 5 pm, and it is a “Pay what you can” event.

April 1 & 11 Black Rebel Motorcycle Club @ The Pheonix Concert Theatre, Toronto, Doors @ 7:30

April 4: Jello Biafra and The Guatanamo School of Medicine @ The Opera House, Toronto, Doors @ 7:30. Hardcore pioneer/ex-Kennedys singer Jello Biafra’s first Toronto music show in 25 years.

April 6: Killfest 2010 @ The Pheonix Concert Theatre, Toronto featuring Overkill, Vader, God Dethroned, Warbringer, Evile. A Death Metal extravaganza!

April 19: The Specials and guests @ Sound Academy, Toronto. British ska legends still skanking after 30 years.

April 23: Fuck The Facts (Amazing Gatineau Grindcore) with guests Ending Tyranny and The Clusterbombs @ The Alex, Brantford, $10

April 26: Bleeding Through @ The Opera House, Toronto, Doors @ 6:00

April 28: Cannibal Corpse @ The Opera House, Toronto, Doors @ 7:00. This is the NYC Grindgods’ Evisceration Plague Tour with guests 1349, Skeletonwitch, and Lecherous Nocturne. Wear body armour.

April 30: The Johnstones, Street Pharmacy, The Good Rats Radio, Stuck on Planet Earth @ The Opera House, Toronto. Doors @ 7:00. Cobourg bred ska boys Johnstones hit Toronto for release of their new cd, a night of Canadian ska bands.

May 1: Class Assassins (Toronto Streetpunk) and Christpunchers (Brantford Street/Crust) @ The Alex, Brantford.

May 3: Caribou and guests @ The Pheonix Concert Theatre, Toronto. Doors @ 8:00 pm.

May 14: Screeching Weasel with The Roman Line and The Visitors. @ The Pheonix Concert Theatre, Toronto. Traditional/80s Punk and Speedpunk.

May 20: Reverend Horton Heat (Awesome rockabilly, a must see!) @ The Pheonix Concert Theatre, Toronto. Doors @ 8:00

May 21: The Vibrators @ The Alex in Brantford. This is unheard of in Brantford – ‘77 UK Punk legends, enough said. FYI, I saw them last summer, really tight and attention grabbing live set.

May 25: Killing Joke @ The Pheonix Concert Theatre, Toronto. Doors @ 7:00 pm.

June 1: Obituary and Entombed @ The Opera House, Toronto. Doors @ 7:00 pm. Death Metal.

June 2: Brian Jonestown Massacre @ The Pheonix Concert Theatre, Toronto. Doors @ 8:00 pm.

Okay dudes and dudettes, that is what I know so far. Leave a comment with shows to add, your band’s show coming up, or corrections.

For most recent show listings in the GTA checkout:

Toronto Punk Show Listings on Myspace

Have fun, see you in the pit!

So today I had a nice little rant about how although I’m only 23 I have to have the next 7 years of my life planned out within the next few months…This may seem odd to you or about right depending on the perspective and circumstances you’re coming from…so I thought I’d write a bit about this overwhelming task as it might serve as some advice to people as well as a way for me to get all of my thoughts out.

As I may have mentioned before my career aspirations have lead me to the area of clinical psychology, for this job I need to obtain a bachelors degree in psychology, a masters and a PhD in clinical psychology. This in itself is a daunting task as you might imagine…but wait…it gets daunting…er?

You see, here’s the thing, as some of you might have already found out (or will be finding out very soon), the world isn’t set up in a well planned out and helpful way as it was in high school or any school setting before that…people don’t tell you everything you need to know to do the things that you want to do or accomplish the thing you wish to accomplish. What I mean by this is, I was unfortunately utterly unaware of the process involved of much of the tasks I have to go through in order to finally obtain the end goal of my PhD in clinical psychology.

So, welcome to my headache:

-I started off doing my undergrad in criminology 5 years ago; around year 3 of this 4 year course I realized I wanted to go into clinical psychology…simple enough right? Well, there are a few catchs here. First, upon making this decision I realized I would first have to do a thesis. This was fine, as I had already decided to do one a few years earlier, which was good since I needed an A- average to be able to do this and had been working towards this already.

-One of my profs thankfully decided to mention in class one day, that in order to do a thesis you first have to find a supervisor who will oversee your thesis project (something I might not have known until too late had this never come up in class). This meant I would have to search the department to find a professor who I wanted to work with and who was willing to work with me as well as had the same research interests/goals as myself. This also meant I had to find this individual by around March, 3 months before my application for the thesis course had to be in and 5 months before I would actually have to start the course.

-As you might realize I was very thankful someone had told me this before March…even if it was already January….So, I developed a general idea of a thesis, searched out profs and thankfully got one in time.

-In the end I graduated a year later having completed a 4 years honours degree in criminology with a specialization in sociology and a minor in psychology; completing this all with an honours thesis and still maintaining my A- average. Sounds pretty nice right? Well, that’s what I thought.

-Around the same time I heard about the thesis though I had heard about the GREs as well. These are some of those general testing things some crack-pot thought up to make it harder for students to make it though their education years (thanks).

-So, I started studying for the GREs (general and psychology specific) which I needed in order to get into clinical psychology after finishing my undergrad (as I had planned to take the year off to work and save up money for grad school). This was all fine until I went to sign up to write the course. Turns out the psychology one was only offered about two or three times a year, one I had missed, the next was in two weeks and I hadn’t studied hardly enough for it, and the third would get me my grades too late for most grad school application deadlines. Frick.

-Around this time I had started researching and writing grad schools to find out which ones I wanted to go to. After sending out countless notes trying to get a straight answer from anyone as to if I needed to go back for a psychology degree or if my crim one was fine I finally got my answer. Yes, I would have to go back. Double frick.

-So, I reenrolled to upgrade my minor in psychology to a major (so long year of work). I also found out I needed a minimum of an A- to get into grad school…which thankfully I have, but now must be sure to maintain…but I would also have to do another thesis as my crim one also wasn’t good enough for the clinical psychology master program. Triple frick.

-This meant I went though the process of finding a professor again. Unfortunately in psychology labs fill up fast and I was cutting it close when I started emailing in February.

-Now, I have found my professor and am on my way to completing my second undergraduate degree. Good.

-However, the hard part now begins. I now must write the thesis, write my GRE (specific and general), maintain my A- average, pay for this all so am working part-time, finish my classes in time to apply to Grad school asap (i.e. Sept 2011), and on top of this find funding for grad school research…which is a whole other headache…

-In order to find funding, I must first decide what schools to apply to, decide which professors I wish to work with, meaning I need to also decide what kind of research I want to specialize in for the next 4-7 years of my life and potentially focus on for my career, obtain agreement from professors in each school I am applying to to work with me if I get in and then apply for funding before actually applying to the school to increase my chances of getting in.

-All of this because with two undergraduate degrees, two thesis, an A- average and funding, writing the GREs (and hopefully getting good grades) I may still only be just over the bare minimum of other applicants wishing to pursue clinical psychology…apparently finding time to volunteer is a beneficial part of the application…

See, I don’t think people realize how HARD and f’ing demanding it is to be a student, there’s not just the idea of studying and going to classes and getting good grades, you have to be 10 steps ahead of everything else without knowing what steps to go though! On top of this, the people I need information and help from are “too busy” often and put my priorities on the back burner and think that’s ok because they don’t have any knowledge as to what students go though, that their lives are actually more demanding than someone who has a secure job! When I have to email professors, employers, schools, etc. multiple times and do follow ups and re-explain things, by the time I get the information I need it’s a month later and I’m cutting it too close to deadlines. People don’t seem to prioritize very well in this world and they sure as heck don’t put students or their requests at the top of their priorities. This is a shame because as a student you need things done NOW and not a month later or when they remember it; and this isn’t because student procrastinat it’s because deadlines happen very early and if you’re not prepared because others aren’t giving you the time of day or respect they would give to others then you look bad and this can effect a heck of a lot more than people realize, it can mean waiting another year to finish your degree, it can mean not getting a position in a school or job, or not having the correct information, it can mean missing deadlines and even having to rethink your whole career. For me, nothing can go wrong now, for the next 7 years if I miss a step a lot gets screwed up, something as simple as getting a bad grade on the GRE or missing the deadline for applications or not being able to get into that one course I need to finish my psychology degree can mean my life is put on hold for another year.

I guess what I’m saying in the end is, people need to respect students more, get their priorities straightened out and work hard because as far as I’m concerned there’s a lot of slackers in this world and unfortunately we depend on them for too much. And finally…do students another small favour…if you have information that can help them out…tell them!

It’s that time of year again ladies and gentlemen!!!! The one where your nose is suddenly to a grindstone and the month April seems to be approaching rapidly with NO regard to the fact that you haven’t started studying for exams, or haven’t started researching that essay that is due the day after tomorrow! It’s the time of year when you really start to spaz out, I mean come on, those essays before weren’t worth very much, this is the big one, the “important” one, the one that WILL define your university career and your life ahead and…. oh wait, pretty sure that is your PHD or Masters, so don’t sweat it!

Essays can be tough, I know, I am an English major, History AND Religion minor, essays are my bread and butter. Fear about writing essays is totally normal, and no matter what they told you in highschool, I gaurentee that they didn’t prepare you for university.

Now, I bet you are about to say “hold on a minute, I know they taught me how to write an essay”, well ok they taught you how to write a BASIC outline for an argumentative essay or comparison essay, but there are WAY more essays than that, not to mention that different Profs are looking for different elements within their essays. A basic essay just doesn’t seem to cut it these days.

Now, I bet you’re saying “oh no! What do we do!? Alix please help us!”, and, my dear readers, have no fear! I have come up with a little guide to help you through this last, intense essay-writing period. The important thing to remember about essay writing is that it is SO much better to start with an outline, even the most basic one. It helps you organize your thoughts, and it’s not like it’s carved in stone, if you want to fiddle around and change things go ahead!

Here is an outline that is quite basic but effective for different situations. For the purpose of this blog the argument will be “whether winter is better then summer”:

Intro: I like to make sure I save this until last, maybe only put my thesis up top, if that! Remember though, bigger isn’t always better. Most Profs prefer a direct introduction with a thoroughly thought out thesis and the start of your arguments or how you are going to argue your essay.

Body A: if you need to explain the situation here is a good place to do it, otherwise this is argument one: it is easier to warm up then it is to cool down. This is because you can drink warm drinks, snuggle under blankets, and put on more clothing… there is only so much you can take off in summer.

Body B: the second argument should be either stronger then the first argument (for example, winter sports can allow more people to participate and caters to more body types **note** if you are saying something like this then BACK IT UP WITH AN EXAMPLE or have a quotation from a book). OR your second argument should be the argument for summer  (for example, you can get the vitamin D that you need to intake more through summer, and although the sun is bad for you skin, wearing sunscreen often aliveates this problem).

Body C: your third argument should be either your strongest argument, winter rocks because you can tobbaggan, you can skate, you can ICE FISH you can build a quincy and have a fun experience outside OR your third argument should be a counter-argument for why winter is better than summer.

Conclusion: This is probably your hardest part of your essay. I cannot stress enough that you SHOULD NOT say “in conclusion” or “to sum up”. It really seems to bug Profs, I learnt the hard way and so I am trying to pass on this information to you so you don’t get marks deducted. That being said you do have to sum up, so state your strongest argument in a different way and then state the counter argument.

I realize that this is a brief outline, but it will help with the basics. There are many ways to flip it around and change it to what you think is the best fit. From my own experience I understand essay writing can be daunting, but always try and do a little bit of research a day (for those research essays) even fifteen minutes a day can make a difference. Recently a Prof told me that it was great to get your essay done a few days in advance so you can peer-edit or go over it yourself. If you are anything like me … or really any university student for that matter, that usually isn’t an option. What IS an option is reading over your essay. If it doesn’t make sense, or sounds too much like your speaking voice then change it!

And what I cannot stress enough is that COMMAS ARE NOT CONFETTI. Do not comma-splice two sentences. In the long run it will make your essay better and more effective at stating your point if you don’t. Also, almost equally as important, if you have notes from a previous essay with the same Prof, read them over, see if they apply to the essay you are writing. It may seem obvious but when a Prof sees you have taken in their notes and are trying, you do get marks!

Good luck and good writing!