As a high school graduate of 2000, it’s coming around to that time of life — time for the 10 year high school reunion.  I’ve got to be careful about what I choose to write here, because I think I might inadvertently get myself de-invited. 

I while ago, I got the official (via Facebook) invitation for my 10 year high school reunion, set to go down this summer.  Good on the former students for organizing, apparently the school was ZERO help.  So with the class of 2000 set to ride again, I pose the following query for your dissection: The whole Facebook thing seems to have eliminated the need for high school reunions, hasn’t it? 

I mean, wasn’t the whole thing with the reunion to see and catch up with people you lost touch with over the last X amount of years, and catch up?  So, now with pretty well every human being on the planet having a Facebook profile, and certainly most of every grad class that ever, well, grad-ed (even those who took a little extra time)… well, haven’t we all been doing that very same catching up, and keeping IN touch with each other already, via Facebook, or email, or whatever?

For those who just wanted to see who got fat, who’s bald, who’s rich, who’s still on drugs, and/or who you think you have it better than, well, there’s an app for that all the magic of those mysteries can be solved with a few clicks on incriminating Facebook posts.  So that’s out.  Even if you just want to creep on pictures, and see every move everyone’s made over the last decade, well, that’s at your disposal too—as long as you’ve got that all important “Friend Request” approval.  You don’t even need to leave your house for that.      

And for those looking to show up and prove some point about what you made of yourself and how you’re back to extract revenge on all the people that picked on you by rubbing your accomplishments in everyone’s face, well, if you didn’t already know… YOU’RE THE REASON NO ONE WANTS TO GO TO THESE THINGS. 

Here’s a few direct quotes from people in the reunion group that I cut and paste from our reunion page; all examples of things I don’t want to deal with, nor conversations I want to become involved in, if I were to attend:

“I think this past year was my best looking year”

“I’ll be at the grad reunion and be the shocker of it all”

“I neither got fat nor skinny. I got out of my Goth period and grew my hair long.”

“I wasn’t the smartest student…and some people may have thought I wouldn’t do much in my life… well I am happy to say I’m doing pretty good.”

So basically all the things that make you point out how late it is, or pretend you’re getting a call on your phone that didn’t ring, or remind yourself of what you left on the stove, or plugged in, or what’s burning down, or whatever else you can conjure up to exit that convo A-S-A-P.

Now, of course there are good, positive reasons to go.  There definitely is no replacement for seeing people in person when compared to online social networking.  There are a few good people that I would enjoy seeing, and hanging out with again.  Rekindle some old friendships, and re-connect with those who have managed to hermit themselves from technology.  Was there anyone that became famous in our class?  Hmm, might be interesting to find that out. 

Of course, there’s going to be people who’re only going to go if ______ goes, and then there’s a stalemate, and then no one goes.  And some people live really far away, and just can’t go.  I’ve been fortunate to stay good friends with the people of that group I care to keep in touch with most; and at times, I think that’s probably all I really need.

Look, high school wasn’t that bad for me, compared to some of the tortured stories I’ve heard from others.  I had some good times, and some good friends, tried to be a good dude, and also tried not to fail classes and get stuck there.  I think I learned a few things in class here and there, but math DID turn out to be useless just like we all contended; outside of calculating tips at restaurants of course.  I definitely had my insecurities, embarrassments, and jerks and idiots that I wish I never had to have dealt with; but I got out relatively unscathed.  Some stories I’ve heard are certainly of the kind of psychologically damaging material that has people paying shrinks to keep them from climbing to the top of a bell tower and opening fire.  I don’t recall crossing anyone in that manner, so I think my odds of getting shot are fairly low.  I can think of a few people whose odds are probably not in their favour though… remind again why we all want to get together with each other again?

So if we all know that eveyone’s got their issues buried somewhere down deep, can we just all agree that this thing’s not an opportunity to get revenge, or to continue being an idiot to people, or to take that last shot at love with the girl/guy you liked but were too shy to talk to, or whatever agenda you’ve been stewing in the crockpot for waaaay too long, and can we all just hang out like civilized adults that weren’t only brought together by the social bindings of a mandatory public education system?  Can we all just pretend that despite the social awkward life period of us all once being acceptance-seeking (just me?) adolescents that were forced to congregate in the same building for 5 consecutive years, that we actually want to be in the same place with each other this time for some reason?

 Or maybe should we all just go buckwild; have one side of the room for people who want to start fights, gloat, and get embarrassed by asking out the person you always wanted to date that still doesn’t want to date you roll the dice on a crack at romance, and the other side for all the people who are over themselves and their issues, and just wanna hang out and have a good time?      

Again, I hope I haven’t just lost my invitation.  I know I sound cynical, but surely I’m not the only one with these thoughts running through their heads. 

My invitation status is currently set as “Maybe Attending”.  Do you think I should go?  Why or why not?  Did you/are you going to yours?  Why or why not?  What’s your best high school reunion story?

read more of Dave at Serenity Now… The SDC Blogs http://davecunning.wordpress.com

“When you are in love you can’t fall asleep because reality is better than your dreams.”
-Dr. Seuss

I know…again with the quotes. But this one, ever since we were all kids, has played a great part in our lives. I’ll try to explain this one for you guys.

Throughout our lives, we will meet hundreds of people, date a few of them, and hopefully end up with one of them. The main question is: How do you know who that one is?
As you’ve seen in my first blog, the first part of BoBH, I’m trying to help those confused, broken or lost hearts as best as I can with what knowledge and experience I have.

Let’s continue on:

2. To be or not to be? Why not both…

You’ll learn something over the years. Either now, later, or when it is too late. Hopefully this will allow you to realize it before it is too late.

Allow me to explain this in simple terms:

You have oranges. Each orange is a different part of you. A personality trait, a look, a fashion, a quality, everything that makes you up.

Your partner has bananas. Same situation, each one a different part of them.

You can live for the majority of your life off these oranges. Of course, oranges are great! But after awhile you realize you’re going to OD on these oranges if you don’t get a change of pace. This is where your partner comes into play

But wait, she wants you to stop eating oranges, and just eat bananas. At the start you’re like, Yum! I love bananas! But give it a little bit and you’ll start looking like one. You leave banana-freak, and return to your oranges, again getting tired of them over time. Now imagine someone who is willing to share half and half, you have an orange for every banana. Never getting tired of the same thing and getting the benefit of bananas and oranges.

Now bring it back to real life. This whole metaphor circled around the perfect combination. Partners can be “all bananas, all the time” or maybe “THEY’RE MY BANANAS! BACK OFF”, which still does not work. No one wants to change, and frankly, I don’t blame them. But people need to realize, no one is perfect. You have to learn from your partner and be open to be taught by them too. Allow feedback to become that better person, not only as an individual, but as a partner.

Returning to the title, why not both? Be who you want to be, stay the same person, and be the one that everyone loves, especially your special someone. But as well, what you never thought of being. Take feedback; learn to be a better person and a better partner. Perfection comes over time, but be open to becoming a better person all around.

3. Don’t fake a smile.

Love will make and break hearts. Love will find you that special someone, after it’s found you a few others. Love may put you in scenarios that you never imagined yourself in, and put you with people you never wished you would’ve met.

Love can only do so much. The rest is yours to deal with. Here are two quick rules to follow:

i)                    Don’t give up or lose love when the going gets tough. The best relationships are those where the couples fight (within normal bounds) and resolve their problems. You can’t give up.

ii)                   Don’t fake a smile. If you’re brain and you’re heart agree, if she’s not the one for you, then don’t drag the strain any longer than necessary.

Plenty of times I’ve been in relationships where you debate the feelings you are having and the decisions you’ve made. The only thing I’ve taken out of this is that you need to be sincere with yourself and be honest with your partner at the time. If you realize that he/she is not the one, and you don’t see a future, it is best to end the strain on the heart that will last until you are honest with the both of you guys.

I apologize it took me over a week for my second part; this week has been hell with midterms and papers. If anyone has any questions, comments, or suggestions for future topics, please feel free to reply to this and let me know.

Thank you for reading and hopefully this helps you out, whoever you are.

Stay good,
Stay strong,
And stay out of trouble.

-Andrew

Perhaps the romanticised version of a gentleman from chick-flicks is to blame, but whatever the reason… women are picky when it comes to choosing a man. This has enabled men to try extremely hard to figure out what they want. But Nick (NRF2345), in his article, “What do Men Look for in Women,” is right, it’s almost impossible to understand women.

For this reason I have decided to counter Nick’s discussion and show him what some women look for in men.

Wealth & Status                           

• Shocked? I don’t presume you are. But there’s a reason I started with that one. No, I am not saying that all women are gold-diggers, in fact their attraction to a man who is successful is only because they realize that their offspring and family will have a better chance of surviving and a better chance at life. It’s been a natural feeling for women for years. 

Intelligence

• Surprisingly one of the biggest turn on for women isn’t knowing how much the man can bench-press, but instead, having an incredibly stimulating conversation.

Well-toned Arms

• Well-toned arms denotes strength which of course is a great attribute, but one of the biggest reasons that women are attracted to men who seem strong is because they know that they will be well protected and held tight throughout the night. Women want to know that someone will be there to care for them and protect them.

Guys that Take Care of Themselves

• Surprisingly (or not) girls notice a lot of things that guys do not. They observe what guys are wearing, what they smell like, and as we can’t forget due to the many Axe commercials, a guys’ hairstyle.

A Good Listener

• If you are going to listen – here’s the time – Women want a man who can listen to them, and care about the things that they care about. Plus, you’ll get bonus points if you have a good memory.

Sensitive:

• Don’t get me wrong… women dream about a time when her macho man will come rescuing her in the middle of the night, that being the case, however, women also love the sensitive and caring man as well. If you block out tears while watching the Notebook or get all cuddly and playful with children, expect the woman in your life to fall more and more in love with you.

Challenging:

• Women want a challenge (that’s where all the fun is, right?). Women need uncertainty, teasing, and game playing. Remember, women operate on emotion. The more their emotions go up and down, the more female they feel and the more they will want you. Warning: Do not be too challenging, however, as women may also give up as well!

Funny and Witty

• Ah ha! Looking at Nick’s blog, I now see another common interest. Women love to feel relaxed and comfortable with their man and being able to share laughter are one of the best ways to do so! (In fact, being funny is an aphrodisiac!). Also keep in mind that humour has the ability to turn awful situations into wonderful environments and calm women down when they are getting frustrated or furious, which evidently is not an easy task!

Chocolate

• As Melissa pointed out , this may not be a male quality, but it is definitely one thing we like if males have it!

Best Wishes Everyone!

So an army guy walks into a bar – wait, I know what you’re thinking! This is not a joke; it’s the story of my life. If there was only one military man in the crowd, we would find each other, I kid you not. It’s like an invisible magnetic force I cannot stop, no matter how often I’ve tried.

Despite the fact that both of my parents are civilians, I grew up in a very large military community. As a result, I’ve dated and been friends with my fair share (or more) of men in the military. These experiences have left me with a predominantly negative opinion of those who put on combats every day before they head out the door.

I need to start off by saying not all military/service men are bad romantic partners. Some of my friends are married to perfect, awesome, handsome, NICE military men. Not many, but a few. And this blog does not discuss their capabilities as associated with their jobs, simply their dating habits as I’ve experienced them.

What is it that makes the military man (or firefighter or police officer or sports player) so desirable? I blame the media. With movies like “Dear John” portraying young hotties as romantic heroes, it is no wonder that we come to expect the same of their real life counter-parts. Men in uniform are the grown up girl’s version of Prince Charming.

But ladies, I am here to tell you that he will not ride in on a white horse and save the day. If anything, he will be the reason your day sucked so bad. Although the notion of dating a soldier is a romantic one, my experience has been filled with cheating, lying, not keeping promises, rude/hurtful comments, etc. etc. etc. I could write a thesis based on my own experiences in this field.

I believe that because the military is such a male dominated profession, the men develop a mob mentality/life style as they go through courses and day to day living together. With that much testosterone in one place, it is no wonder that competition arises and they try to one-up each other on the dating scene. Their egos become inflated because many girls swoon at the notion of a soldier, and as a result, they have all the power in the relationship.

Now, I know I sound like a bitter and scorned woman, and maybe I am a little bit. But after sitting down and thinking about all the relationships I’ve had since high school, I realized the common denominator in the bad ones was that they were all men who wear uniforms. Either I am a really terrible judge of character, or I am onto something here. Men in uniform know what to say, when to say it, how to say it, etc. to make you believe whatever they are saying to you.

Despite having been “screwed over” numerous times, I seem to fall for it again and again. No amount of lecturing or begging from friends and family can convince me that this guy is no different than the rest. Even after swearing off military men, I still seem to find myself thinking I’ve found one who “isn’t like the others”.

But this time, I am swearing them off for good…I think?

Men in uniform are good for a party, good for a fling, good to look at, but I would slap the majority of them with an “unsuitable for dating” sticker. At the very least, they should be forced to wear a “Proceed with Caution” sign around their neck.

Don’t play innocent, we’ve all been there.  You met up with that cute guy or gal who you’ve been eyeing in class for a quick bite and everything’s going great.  The conversation is flowing and there’s smiles all around until that awkward lull when he or she pulls out their cellphone to read or answer a text message.  At this point you’re red in the face, fumbling to finish your sentence hoping that they’re still listening to you. Then you ask yourself things like, “Who are they texting?”, “Am I boring him/her?” and of course “Is he/she into me?”

Text messaging is a huge cultural phenomenon among teenagers and young adults, in which peers can keep in constant communication, anywhere at any time with the touch of a few buttons. It’s cheap. It’s convenient. It’s perfect.

With these points in mind, texting seems to be a great and inexpensive way to keep in touch with your pals. What you might not have considered though is the strain it can put on your personal relationships with others.

Texting allows couples and dates to keep in touch by connecting, flirting and of course “sexting”, many young adults seeing it as a necessary form of additional communcation aside from e-mails and phone calls.  It also provides singles the opportunity to feel out a potential match and can provide a quick getaway during a bad or awkward date (“My sister’s car broke down/is in the hospital/is in prison/etc.” Anything to get you out of there!).

As amazing as text messaging is, there are potential issues when texting and dating are combined. In an era where electronic forms of communication like e-mail, text and instant messaging are considered the norm, everyone is expected to be in constant contact with one another. It is because of this, a person’s texting habits can be translated into their persona and feelings, whether they’re glued to their QWERTY board or whether T9 is uncharted territory to them.

On the negative side of things, texting can be toxic for relationships and when pursuing potential romantic partners. Many second dates have been ruled out with the constant use of text messaging with friends or ex-partners during dates. For many, texting on a date is annoying and unnattractive. If you’re texting at a restaurant, your date will get the vibe you’re not interested in them and would rather communicate electronically with someone else than talking to you. A problem I have often encounted is the ambiguity of messages. What one perceives as sarcasm, another might take literally.

Now, you don’t have to chuck your cellphone into the garbage to assure a healthy romantic relationship. Simple little things can help, like, I don’t know, dialing their phone number? Just because texting is a norm doesn’t mean that you have to absolve all other more personal forms of communication. And besides, it makes people feel special, and you want to feel special, don’t you?

In a William Wallace (Braveheart) voice: “They can take our lives, but they can never take our FREEDOM!!”

Many have seen that movie, many have heard these words (probably even recited improperly), but no one realizes that these words are something to live by on a day–to-day basis. These words, along with other famous quotes, become the foundation to a good inner-strength. I will, throughout my BoBH (pronounced Bob) blogs, explain the importance of this quote and of the others, but for now, let’s start at the start. Start off on a good foot, with some rainbows, pixie dust and a bucket of sunshine.

Now that you’ve realized the point of these blogs, I want you to realize why I’m here. I, myself, have been through my fair share of relationships. From the best, long-term relationships, to the utterly terrible, short-term disasters, I’ve dealt with many situations. Now don’t get me wrong. I’m no guru; I’m no man whore or some “know-it-all”. Recently, I’ve come to notice that many boys, like me, go into relationships without realizing what they are doing, what they want and the changes that may need to be made.

That’s why I’m here. I’m that little voice inside your head, hopefully leading you to happiness with whoever that person may be.

Just like sports, video production, cooking, you need to have a pre-“game” plan:

Step 1:
Foundation for the Future.

The main thing is that both parties involved know what each other want and agree on it. Hell, sign a contract if you want (we all know how some women can alter the “understanding”). Choose your destiny is pretty appropriate to this topic. First off, figure out what you guys “are”. Is this relationship a serious one (long-term or just a short-term one)? The famous “friends with benefits”? The “no-friends, just benefits” combo? Feel free to create your own, individually or as a couple.

But wait! Don’t just think present, maybe even look into the future. Obviously no one is asking you to be like Nostradamus, but talk about the future with you guys. Do you see this “friend with benefits” deal become a serious relationship? How fast do you want to move in a relationship? Basic understanding is the foundation of this relationship.

Step 1.1:
1+1=1?

I only created this step recently; I’ve come to realize its key importance in a successful relationship. I’ve called it 1.1 because it belongs fundamentally with the foundation, yet is not necessary and can be watered-down if preferred.

This step, I believe, can be mainly used for the serious relationships, but can be changed for whatever plan you have created for the both of you. Now remember, this step doesn’t have to be a cannonball attack (all at once), it can be more like a grenade explosion, with several pieces hitting you at different times, and slowly letting the pieces sink in.

What I’m trying to get at is that you need to understand the other person’s likes, dislikes, hobbies, preferences, turn-ons, turn-offs, etc… Like mentioned before, feel free to sit down with each other and just let loose, telling everything, starting with a clean and open slate. Or just over time, mention something that you like or dislike. But for the love of all that is right…do not get mad at the other person if they did not know. They don’t read minds! Explain to the person why you like or hate that thing…make it clear and understandable.

This is why it’s 1+1=1. If you want to understand the other person, and for them to understand you, you will need to become “one” and share what is necessary to make the relationship fun, exciting and enjoyable.

This will be it for this blog. Those are just a few quick tips to start off. If there is anything you guys want me to talk about or discuss more in depth, feel free to ask/recommend. I’m open to all.

And remember: Stay good, stay strong, and stay out of trouble!

Peace.

Andrew

So perhaps you don’t love your partner anymore, or maybe you have different goals in life, or who knows, it could be that you have just stopped getting along. Regardless of the reason, you have come to the conclusion that it’s time to end the relationship.

However, before this moment, you believed the hardest place to be was the dumpee, but now that the tables have turned, you realized you were wrong.

So very wrong.

Breaking up with someone has been proven to be one of the hardest things to do as someone is bound to get hurt. And surprisingly, even though it was your idea, it will end up hurting you more than you expect.

For this reason, I have outlined some ideas to help you Break up and not Break down.

Make sure you want to break-up. You really have to think about this. Ensure this is not a temporary feeling and that it is something, without hesitation that you want. I say this because, once you lose them, more than likely they will be gone forever.

Do it in Person. With the rise of technology, it may seem simpler to break up through text message, msn or via Twitter or Facebook; however, this is one of the worse things you can do. I know this is tempting because it’s much easier for you, but it would also be a type of betrayal. I know it’s hard, but you owe your partner the ability to look him/her in the eye when you break up with them.

Be mature and honest: A relationship is based on trust and dependability – don’t prove you’re unworthy in your last moments together. Sit down with them and explain everything you are feeling and why you think this is the best scenario for the both of you. You also get brownie points if you get a response of “I understand” or “I agree.”

Take Responsibility. Don’t blame him/her. It is already unbearable for the dumpee, don’t make it worse. Take the responsibility for what is taking place and hope that they can relate with your feelings. It’s also important to let them determine when the conversation is over.

Be understanding. It is incredibly important to listen to their feelings and reactions. Do not interrupt or contradict what they have to say. They will listen to what you have to say, so give them the same respect.

Give them space. At first they are going to be angry. Very angry. This is expected. Don’t try to tell them that they are wrong for feeling like they do. In time, they will get over it, and when they do, you will both feel much better.

Avoid dating anyone for a long time. So, I know this is super hard and may not happen, but if you want to have a good chance in staying friends, this step is necessary. If you don’t they may just think you merely broke up with them to be with someone else. If you absolutely must be with someone else (early after the break-up) do yourself and your ex a favour and try to  keep your ex from finding out.

Avoid going where your ex might be. Running into the ex when you or him/her are not ready will be incredibly awkward. Not only that, but it will set back the healing process… almost like ripping off a band-aid when a cut isn’t completely healed.

Stick to your decision: Yes, I left this for the end, but it is so true. Do not delay the break-up further. I know you are hoping that things will get better in the future, but this is rarely the case. Plus putting it off to avoid causing pain will not make things any better. In fact, the longer you take to break up, the harder it will become.

Overall, just keep in mind that there is no painless way of breaking up with someone. No magical words, or powerful things can take the pain away. All that can be done is following these steps and avoiding some common mistakes. This way it will make the pain less for them… and more importantly, for you as well.

Ingredients for manicotti:

-1/3 package of tofu
-Manicotti noodles
-2 cloves of garlic
-2 table spoons of lemon juice
-1 table spoon of sugar
-frozen chopped spinach
-1 container of ricotta cheese
-a pinch of garlic salt, black pepper, and parsley
-pasta sauce

Directions:

-Heat your oven to about 350 degrees.

-Butter a deep dish to place the manicotti in and then spread a layer of pasta sauce on the bottom to lay them on.

-Bring a pot of water with some salt to a light boil and place about 6-8 manicotti (you do not have to cook them all at once as they may crack or stick together in smaller pots. Cook them until tender (do not overcook as this may make them too soft and difficult to stuff) or as the box directs.

-Mash up 1/3 of tofu, place in a large bowl, add minced garlic cloves, lemon juice, sugar and ricotta cheese. Thaw out your spinach and then add this along with the above mentioned spices. Mix this together well.

-Once cooked and cooled for a few minutes, begin to stuff your manicotti noodles with the tofu mixture.

-As you finish stuffing each noodle, place it on top of the layer of pasta sauce in your pan.

-Once all of your noodles are stuffed, cover noodles with more pasta sauce (and sprinkle with grated cheese and parsley if you’d like).

-Place manicotti in oven for about 30 minutes.

 **A great complement with this meal was the garlic bread and bruschetta.

For bruschetta you will need:

-1 baguette
-1 small tomato
-balsamic vinaigrette
-olive oil
-basil
-paprika
-grated cheese

Directions:

-Cut the baguette into slices and place on a cooking sheet.

-Dice tomato and place in a small bowl

-Add equal parts balsamic vinaigrette and olive oil. Sprinkle in some basil and paprika and mix this together.

-Spoon out a small amount on each slice of baguette.

-Sprinkle some grated cheese on top of each piece.

-Place in oven with manicotti for the last 5 or so minutes (keep an eye on it, if it browns or the cheese starts to bubble, remove from oven).

 For garlic bread you will need:

-1 baguette
-butter
-garlic salt
-parmesan cheese
-paprika
-basil
-grated cheese

Directions:

-Cut baguette in half (cutting the top part off of the bottom half).

-Butter each half and then sprinkle with garlic salt and parmesan cheese.

-Sprinkle a pinch of paprika and basil on top

-load with grated cheese (as much as you desire!)

-Place this in with the manicotti and bruschetta for the last 5 or so minutes as well, keeping an eye on it.

I don’t want to give off the impression that I have a foolproof reason as to why guys cheat but, I do have a few good insights on the issue. I do not intend to rant or to offer excuses or explanations here…but I want to provide a bit of insight on the issue and perhaps a bit of support for those who may have experienced cheating or who might be questioning a relationship they’re in. Although this refers to men, I want to be clear that women do cheat too and both cases are equally appalling and sickening.

            First, I want to set down my definition of cheating: to me cheating is doing anything that you would not do in the presence of your girlfriend or boyfriend. This includes dancing, buying a girl/guy a drink (unless they’re a friend and it’s their birthday or a special occasion), touching arms or hands in a flirty manner, cuddling on a coach, bed or chair together even if you’re not making-out, etc. I’ll make it simple, if you wouldn’t do it in front of your boyfriend or girlfriend because you know they’d be mad, jealous or uncomfortable…there’s probably a good reason for that.

            It seems that cheating in relationships have unfortunately become the rule and not the exception. Most women will go through an unfaithful relationship…but why? Why should this be alright? The answer is, it shouldn’t. Some men (mostly those who cheat) seem to believe they’re entitled to make these mistakes and take these liberties. They see cheating differently than women it seems, and it’s unfair that we should have to be the ones to put these limitations on their actions when it seems like common sense to us where to draw the line. We come out being the “bad guys” and feeing guilty about not trusting our men or about not giving them the liberties their friends might have. So, I want to just take a quick second and make something very clear for anyone who thinks they’re on the verge of cheating. If you are in a relationship you’re unhappy with or seeing yourself starting to stray…either smack yourself good and hard and refocus your attention to your girlfriend, or get out of the relationship. Do NOT stay around and wait to see if your relationship regains its spark while you avert your attention to other women.

So, here it is, my insight on the cheating guy: a few reasons why he cheats, what to look for in that type of cheater and what to do when you suspect infidelity. Keep in mind, these are only suggestions and insights from my personal life and therefore should all be taken with a grain of salt.

1. Men get bored in their relationships: When this happens they start to seek excitement elsewhere. This is dangerous and unhealthy. Guys, if this starts to happen to you, you should talk to your girlfriend and either reassess your happiness with the relationship, or break up. If you end up breaking up, so be it, it’s nothing compared to the havoc you’ll wreak if you continue redirecting your attention elsewhere while still in the relationship.

-What to look for: In this case the man will likely start going out more frequently without you, he will spend more time with his single friends and will become less attentive to your needs.

-What to do: Confront your boyfriend directly. Tell him that you’re not happy with the way the relationship is going and that you’ve noticed he’s starting to lose interest. If he doesn’t deny this give him an ultimatum, let him know that you’re willing to work on the relationship if he is, but if he wants to peruse other women you’re not going to wait and see how it turns out.

           2. “Unintentional” cheating: this may begin at first in a relatively innocent manner… by this I mean, the reality of his actions may not be in the forefront of his mind at first. However, underneath every cheater’s actions are intentions for one thing: something outside of the relationship. This may be another woman, it may be an urge to be single, it may be unhappiness within the relationship or fear of its progression…whatever it is, the result is the same, a man strays.

-What to look for: The start of this kind of cheating may not be noticeable at first, but the individual will begin to take more and more liberties until they are in too deep. It’s easy to become paranoid when watching for this type of cheating as the problem may be very subtle in the beginning. The guy may start doing small things you’re uncomfortable with, like dancing with a friend who is a girl or commenting on how good another woman looks. He may start doing things unrelated to cheating, but that ignore your requests and concerns.

-What to do: Again, you must confront the guy, don’t let small things slide and become large problems you hang on to and ruminate about. It’s best to talk about them and let him know your concerns. Be careful not to do this in a demeaning manner, but rather as a serious conversation about the relationship.

 3. Some men are simply not relationship fit…This of course is by no means an excuse for them, however, it seems as though these individuals even when they’re in relationships desire attention from more women. In a sense they’re never satisfied.

-What to look for: These types of men are generally easier to spot, they will often think of themselves as above you and capable of getting anything they want. They also will likely have problems abstaining from anything they enjoy, especially flirting.

-What to do: If you’re in a relationship with someone like this chances are you rationalize their unacceptable behaviour as just part of their personality; but like I said, if you’re in a relationship…flirting is never ok, being a man-whore isn’t a personality, it’s a lifestyle, and it’s a lifestyle unfit for a relationship, so if they want to be in a relationship it should be changed.

             During cheating the unfaithful individual may become withdrawn, angry from accusations, accuse the other individual of not trusting them and they may begin making obvious slip-ups in their excuses or reactions. Suspecting you’re being cheated on will cause you strain; you may feel you’re to blame, guilty for doubting and stressed over the unknown.

            I just want to point out here, that ladies, if a man cheats it is NEVER your fault. Men cheat though their own decisions, it is THEIR actions and THEIR decision that has resulted in cheating, you do not force them to do it. For this reason, do not feel guilty or that you could have changed it in any way. Instead, be thankful (bear with me) because the relationship has ended. Although it may not feel like it at the time, it is a blessing in disguise. Any time that you have left to live your own life without this individual is precious and you WILL live an amazing life without them although it will take time to get over what happened especially if the relationship was a large portion of you life and/or it had been around for a long time. As long as you focus on the future and the positive and not the past and the negative, you will prosper more than you knew possible. With this being said, never regret the time you spent with this individual, because if nothing else it was a learning experience (it may not seem like much at the time, but to go through it once will make any relationship after it much better). As long as you are positive about future relationship and internalize what you’ve learned from past ones you’ll be fine and much the wiser and stronger.

First of all, don’t worry, I’m here to save the romance and offer you some great tips to ensure that you don’t spend February 14^th in the dog house…or sleeping on the couch.

Show Your Love

• First of all, it’s important to realize that Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to just be one day of the year. Do that something special or buy that unique gift you know she’ll love. Tell her that you love her. Love her with all of your heart and soul. Give yourself completely to her. She knows that that is the best gift she could ever get. 

Rent / Watch a Movie 

• This year, life has been pretty easy on you guys. They have released a movie entitled, “Valentine’s Day” – - think you can handle that one? However, if you’d rather not head out to the hustle and bustle of hundreds of couples, you could always rent a movie (or, *cough* * illegally download it *cough*), go find a snugly blanket, make some homemade treats, and cuddle up together. 

Buy Her a Sweet Card

• I still have a valentine I got when I was eight. It had a bumble bee and said “honey, will you bee mine.” Obviously you don’t have to be as lame as that, but buying a special card or valentine will truly make her feel special.

Buy Her Flowers

• Although I will announce that flowers are a great gesture in saying you’re sorry and perfect for valentine’s day – if you buy a girl flowers for no reason at all – you will get bonus points (and will get the benefit of going “but remember that time I bought you flowers” during a fight). The element of surprise will do wonders. Therefore, if your woman loves romantic gifts, roses will be perfect – they are even the sign of love and passion!
  

Buy Her Jewellery

• I know, I know – this isn’t easy and it’s very intimidating. Girls have their specific taste in shoes, clothes, and of course, jewellery. My suggestion would be to watch her closely for a little while, see what she wears at work, at a party, or even just when relaxing at you at home. There would be no point buying her a beautiful necklace if she never wears them! My only suggestion on this one would be to avoid rings! You’ve heard of promise rings, engagement rings and wedding rings, but have you ever heard of a girlfriend ring? Of course not, because they don’t exist. Nor should they.

Buy Her Chocolate

• I’m going to reveal to you a secret most males do not know… girls love (and crave) chocolate! In fact, girls crave chocolate because it has mood-elevating properties. This is why women sometimes indulge in chocolate after a tough break up or when other stresses occur. Chocolate helps to even out these fluctuations chemically; therefore, it sounds like a win-win for you, you look like a hero for buyer her a special treat, and she’s not moody!

As a final warning, even if she really needs that new vacuum cleaner or toaster, don’t buy it for her for Valentine’s Day. It’s way too unromantic! However, still, do not panic. In fact, more than half the Valentine’s Day cards and gifts are bought are purchased in the day before the holiday… there is still lots of time! Now go out and find that special gift and have a wonderful, and romantic, holiday!

Hugs N Kisses